Alcohol – Parent UP KC

An Open Letter to My Son about Underage Drinking

May 8, 2024May 3, 2024 by KCadmin

When my, now 25-year-old, son was entering 10th grade, I started getting a lot of questions from family and friends. They wondered how I was going to handle his inevitable experimentation with alcohol. When I expressed the idea that Tom might decide not to drink until he was 21, I was accused of living under a rock. It was just assumed that my son would drink, no matter what I thought or said. When the subject came up with other parents, a frequent response I got was, “I don’t want my kid to drink, but of course they will,” or “Kids will be kids.” And my personal favorite, “Well, we did it when we were their age.”

Really? Is this the criteria we are going to base our parenting on? I’ve always felt it’s my job as a parent to set the boundary and my kid’s job to test it. Because I’m a writer and blogger, I decided to write my feelings about this in a letter to my son.

I wanted Tom to know where my husband and I stood on engaging in behaviors that are at best risky and at worst illegal or life-threatening. I joked that at least he could never say he didn’t know how I felt. I expected some people to disagree with me. I knew members in my own family, including my dad, did. But I never expected the letter would go viral, being shared hundreds of thousands of times. And that even ten years later, I would still on occasion be contacted about it.

Recently, Tom and I were discussing the fact that he chose not to drink until he turned 21. I never thought my letter was a real factor in his choice. I thought it had more to do with having friends that just weren’t into drinking. In fact, even though they are now over 21 and can legally drink, alcohol just isn’t a big part of their lives.

So I was surprised when he said that the letter did play a part in his choice. Well, not the letter as much as what it represented. Tom knew exactly how we felt. We had many honest discussions about the dangers of drinking, especially the dangers of binge drinking. But the letter was a tangible reminder.

I want to be very clear, I don’t think I’m a good parent because my kid didn’t drink before he was 21. And I don’t think someone is a bad parent if their kid does choose to drink before the legal age. I do think our kids deserve a clear answer on how we feel about underage drinking. And if it’s a behavior we don’t want them to engage in, I think we should tell them.

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tom,

The legal drinking age in this country is 21. Please know that dad and I will never allow you to have alcohol in our house or in our presence until you reach that age. Please also know that no good has ever come from a group of teenagers drinking. It’s a recipe for all kinds of disasters. If you should choose to drink, you’ll not only be breaking the rules of our house, you’ll be breaking the law. If you get stopped for driving under the influence, or the police get called to a party where you have been drinking, you may be in a position where we can’t protect you.

Always call me and your dad. ALWAYS. No matter what you have done. Don’t ever follow up a bad choice with one that’s worse just because you’re afraid of disappointing us or making us angry. Will we be happy? Of course not. But we would much rather get you and any friend who wants to come with you home safely, than get a call saying you are NEVER coming home.

Let me be clear that the fact that we love you and will stand by you does not in any way mean we will stand by while you do things that you know aren’t good for you. There are those who will tell you that your parents are being unreasonable and totally unrealistic. Some may tell you that you are a teenager and it’s a rite of passage to get drunk. They may even regale you with stories of their own youthful mistakes.

Listen to your own heart and trust your gut. Also know there is nothing cool about waking up in your own vomit, or having a DUI before you are 18. Your father and I are so proud of the man you are becoming. We love you so much that we don’t care if you hate us. That’s our gift to you — we are your parents, not your friends.

Always, Mom

________________________________________________________________________

Kathy Radigan is a midlife writer, blogger, disability advocate, wife to one and mom of three. She began her online life with her blog, My Dishwasher’s Possessed!, and her work has been featured in HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Yahoo, Her View From Home, TODAY Parents, Romper, and many other online publications. Her current project, The Forever Nest by Kathy Radigan, shares her experience as a parent to a daughter with high support needs.

Note: First published on May 1, 2021, this Insight has been updated by Parent Up staff for May 2024.

A Letter to the Parents of Our 2023 High School Graduates

May 8, 2024May 5, 2023 by KCadmin

Dear Parents and Guardians,

Graduation is upon us and it’s time to celebrate your child’s accomplishments and achievements! As you prepare to launch your child into adulthood, keep in mind that most kids value their parent’s advice when it comes to drugs and alcohol.

Parent Up is here with some reminders and action steps about how you can protect their celebration and their future:

Communicate with your teen that alcohol is bad for their brain and they should not drink before age 21. Drinking by those below the age of 21 is strongly linked with increased risk for alcohol dependence later in life because the brain is still developing until the mid-twenties. Minors who drink are also more likely to use other drugs, have poorer academic performance, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and be injured or assaulted. Tell your child you don’t want them to risk their future, reputation, or safety, and you expect them to remain alcohol-free.

Create a game plan with your child so if they are offered alcohol, they know what to do. For example, help brainstorm excuses for saying no or develop a code word that your child can text you to let you know they are in a situation where they feel unsafe.

Stick with the majority of Northland parents that don’t provide alcohol or allow their child to drink, even on special occasions like graduation! Research shows that when parents allow, provide, or supervise teen drinking, it sends a false message that alcohol is safe for their underdeveloped brain.

By working together with your teen, expressing your concern for their health and safety, and setting clear and consistent expectations, you can ensure that this celebration is a positive memory they’ll have forever. Congratulations to all the graduates of the class of 2023!

Best regards,
Parent Up KC

The Parent Up campaign empowers and equips KC Northland parents to care, connect, communicate, and pay careful attention to their child in order to prevent teen substance use. Follow us on Facebook @ParentUp.

Keeping Our Kids Merry & Bright

May 8, 2024December 15, 2022 by KCadmin

It’s the holiday season and here at Parent Up, we are intentionally celebrating the joy, creativity and resilience of area youth. We also celebrate YOU, the parents, guardians and other caring adults who are following along, learning, listening and taking action, even though it isn’t always easy.

With the threats of deadly fentanyl, new discreet nicotine products, and the now more available than ever potent-THC packed cannabis posing risks to young brains, Parent Up is starting out the new year with some encouragement and tried-and-true tips for Keeping Our Kids Merry & Bright All Year Round:

Let’s make sure kids know we care about their health and well-being. Youth substance use harms the developing brain and puts youth at higher risk for problems with mental health and addiction throughout life. Set no-use expectations when it comes to vaping, alcohol, marijuana, and other substances.
Be curious and keep the dialogue about substance use open. Ask youth what they think or have heard about alcohol, vaping, and other drug use. We can let them know they can come to us adults for help with peer pressure, stress, or anxiety.
Help youth gain confidence to say “no” to alcohol and other drugs by practicing scenarios and brainstorming what they might say if they’re offered to them.

Watch for early signs or symptoms of substance use which could include: changes in appearance, changes in friend groups, grades dropping, and/or secretive behavior. We know our kids best, so if something seems off, we should take action.

Kids are resilient and they are better off with your support. We wish you well this holiday season and into the new year.

The Parent Up Team

Underage Drinking: It’s on Us to Protect Kids

May 8, 2024June 14, 2022 by KCadmin

by Parent Up Staff

As adults we have the opportunity, and the obligation, to do everything we can to make sure our young people have healthy and bright futures. Adults working together can support policies, attitudes, and actions that prevent underage drinking and help youth thrive. Read on to see how you can help:

Why should we care about preventing underage drinking?

The teen years are a sensitive time for brain development and underage drinking only adds fuel to the fire. The years between childhood and adulthood aren’t the easiest and youth need help from adults along the way. Underage drinking and teen drug use can negatively affect young people’s school performance, future job prospects, and physical and mental health, damaging their lives well into adulthood. 90% of adults with substance use disorders started using alcohol or other drugs in their teen years, so it’s important to take early and ongoing action.

What impacts a teen’s likelihood to drink alcohol?

While kids are the ones who take the drink, there are a lot of factors outside the teen that lead to this decision. When alcohol is more available, youth are more likely to drink. Also, when teens think it is “ok” or “cool,” or the adults around them allow minors to drink, they are more likely to drink alcohol. Finally, when teens think they are safe from any harm, like legal trouble, we see rates of teen drinking increase. Each of these factors can be addressed at a community level and Parent Up asks for all adults to help protect our youth.

What steps can adults take to help reduce underage drinking in our community?

Adults can help reduce the number of teens drinking by:

Refusing to provide alcohol to minors—even during special occasions. When adults refuse, fewer kids use.
Letting the youth in your life know you care about their mental well-being. If they’re feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, or bored, adults can help find healthy solutions for relief rather than them turning to alcohol or other drugs.
Setting clear, no alcohol use expectations with the kids in your life. When adults set boundaries and stand firm, kids feel safe and know what to do when peer pressure mounts.
Making a game plan with the teens in your life before they go out or spend time with friends, so they know what is expected and how to refuse if alcohol is offered.

At Parent Up, our hope is to help equip parents and other caring adults with tools and resources to help prevent substance use of any kind by youth. Thank you for caring and thanks for taking action to help! For more tips, tools, and resources on youth alcohol use or preventing any drug use with our teens, feel free to explore around ParentUpKC.com!

What are We Teaching Our Kids?: How to be a positive role model when it comes to alcohol

May 8, 2024May 6, 2020 by KCadmin

“Role Modeling is one of the most powerful tools you have in your parenting tool belt to influence the direction of your children’s character, whatever their age.”

–The Center for Parenting Education

My nine year old is my little shadow. She wants to be wherever I am, sit next to me at every meal, and raid my closet for her latest fashion creation. As frustrating as it can be at times, I am happy to have my little shadow! See, I also have a 13 year old who was socially distancing before it was cool. The truth is that both my little shadow and my distant teen, like all kids, learn and mimic their surroundings.

Well into adulthood, our kiddos closely observe us as we manage our relationships, work, our health, and more. They note how we handle stress and whether we treat others with respect, show patience, act generously, and overall practice what we preach. And they tuck all of this away to use as they navigate their own lives.

Our use of alcohol is no different. As parents, role modeling when it comes to alcohol consumption is key to protecting our children from the risks associated with underage drinking.

Some well-meaning parents believe that letting their children drink at home helps them develop an appropriate relationship with alcohol. Research suggests otherwise— in fact, adolescents who are allowed to drink at home drink more heavily outside of the home. In addition, adolescents whose parents have specific and strict rules against underage drinking (and also drink responsibly themselves) are less likely to drink heavily outside the home.

So whether you have a shadow, or you always live life 6 feet apart, how can you model responsible drinking as a parent? Here are some guidelines:

Explain to your child why alcohol is for adults only. Let them know their brain will continue to develop well into their twenties, so the legal age of 21 helps protect their health. Communicate your strong stance against drinking before this age, and talk about your consequences for your child.
Be a role model. If you drink alcohol, be mindful of how much and why you drink and what messages you might be sending to your children. Do not involve your children in adult behaviors. Restrict them from touching, sipping, mixing, or fetching alcohol for adults. It’s always a good idea to have a sober caregiver or parent present.
Control the context. As adults, we shouldn’t talk about drinking as a way to manage stress around kids — for example, “Today was terrible. I need a drink!” Instead, we should model healthier ways to manage stress like exercising, practicing deep breathing, or talking things over with your partner. We can put words to these actions and make the connection clear for our kids! For example, “Whew, I had such a stressful day! I’m going to go take a walk to calm down and unwind.”
What if you drank as a teen? If you choose to share that you drank as a teen, be sure to admit that it was a mistake and give examples of negative experiences that resulted or could have resulted from it. If your child asks you this question, a great response is “I did have a drink when I was younger. However, we didn’t know as much as we do now about the risks of alcohol. If I had known then, I would have done things differently. This is why I am talking to you about it. I want you to be safe, healthy, and happy.”
Practice what you preach: Never drive when you’ve been drinking or get into a vehicle with a driver who is impaired. You wouldn’t want your child to, so don’t do it yourself. Designate a sober driver in advance if you plan to drink.
If you have alcohol in your home, be sure to secure it away from kids and teens.

To learn more about alcohol and your health, visit the CDC’s FAQ page for alcohol. For more tips and tools for preventing underage drinking or talking to your child about alcohol and other drug use, check out our Parent Up Tools page!

Tiffany (Van Sickle) is a parent of two amazing kiddos, and has been working to prevent youth substance use for 5 years. She currently serves as the Program Director for the Park Hill Community Alliance for Youth (CAFY).

The Power of Grandparents in Preventing Underage Drinking

May 8, 2024October 24, 2019 by KCadmin

Children often hold a special place in their hearts and minds for grandparents. Oftentimes, they feel like they’re able to have open conversations with their grandparents without judgment, criticism or punishment they may receive from parents.

It’s for that reason that grandparents may be able to make headway in tough conversations where parents might otherwise be unable to. They can help surround a teenager with support, love, and reinforcement towards a life without the damage of illegal substances.

Here are a few tips for grandparents:

Get Involved In Their Life

Connect with grandkids in their world by attending their events, spending quality time together, or sharing the kids’ interest. The goal is to build a strong bond and good memories.
Expand interest in their life by joining their social media circle as invited. Grandparents can have a Snapchat account too!

Listen, Don’t Judge

Show interest in the child’s life by listening, asking good questions, and offering love and encouragement.
Grandkids might share stories involving questionable behavior, about a friend who got ‘wasted’ or someone who was ‘grounded for a month’. In such cases, it’s important to listen without expressing judgment.

Share Your Wisdom

Once a good relationship is secured, grandparents can share opinions of disapproval of illegal substance use without using a condescending tone.
If something is shared that needs to be reported back to the parents, grandparents can suggest ways of sharing the news and offer encouragement and support in the process.

Start Young: 5 Ways to Talk To Your Elementary Aged Child About Alcohol

May 8, 2024October 1, 2019 by KCadmin

For parents of elementary aged children, the need to talk about avoiding alcohol and other drug use can feel like a long ways off. While it’s true that the pressure to drink with their friends, start using drugs, or hide substance-use behavior from parents may not be a daily struggle for 8-12 year olds, they are still exposed to drugs and alcohol and may form their opinions early.

Here are 5 ways to talk to your elementary-aged child about alcohol:

1- Explain how alcohol is bad for kids’ brains.

Tell kids their brains are growing every day in many different ways. When their brain takes in information from hearing words, reading books, or seeing neat things with their eyes, their brain processes it all, stores the good stuff, and grows bigger and bigger. Then explain that alcohol and other drugs slow that process down and stops their brain from growing bigger and smarter.

2- Use an analogy

Use an analogy to further drive your message. Have them imagine they are building with Legos and someone pours sticky syrup all over their Lego creation. They would not be able to build as well as before. Alcohol is like sticky syrup that wrecks what young brains are starting to build.

3- Be wary of your behaviour

Elementary-aged children watch and model themselves after their parents, so it’s important to be mindful of your behaviour when consuming alcohol. While we’re not suggesting that you hide drinks from your children or that you need to give up drinking altogether, we invite you to control the context in which your child is exposed to alcohol and other drugs.

Here are some quick tips on managing your child’s exposure to adult alcohol consumption:

Do not involve your children in adult behaviors and restrict them from touching, sipping, fetching, or mixing alcohol.
Make sure there are other non-alcoholic drinks offered to adults at mixed age parties or gatherings. Consider hosting or attending events where alcohol isn’t present.
Be careful about how you talk about drinking around your kids. Avoid comments like “Whew, I had a hard day at work. I really need a beer tonight.”

4- Maintain open communication

Explain why adults may drink alcohol but children may not; because even in small amounts, it is harmful to the development of their brains and bodies. Talk to your child about the dangers and side effects of alcohol. Explain that alcohol is different than food and other drinks. Let your child know that people who drink too much alcohol get sick and throw up. Explain that too much alcohol can make some people stressed, angry and violent.

5- Address alcohol in advertising and media

Alcohol-related advertising can be found everywhere, especially in television, and it’s been proven to share a correlation with underage drinking among youth. When alcohol or other drugs is brought up on TV or you see a display out in the community, ask your child what they know and feel about alcohol and answer any questions they may have.

Starting the conversation with your child early will empower them to make smart and healthy decisions as they get older. Keeping an open dialogue will help you develop a closer relationship with your child which will make it easier to enforce rules later.

Visit our Talking Points page for more age-specific tips and downloadable guides on navigating the discussion on alcohol and other drugs.

8 Warning Signs That Your Child Has Been Drinking

May 8, 2024August 16, 2019 by KCadmin

Alcohol is the most commonly used and misused drug among youth in the United States.1 And according to a report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, there were approximately 10 million underage drinkers in 2010.2

As a parent, you want what’s best for your child, which is why it’s important to proactively prevent them from drinking. But how can you tell if your child has been drinking or experimenting with alcohol? Sometimes, it’s not always as obvious as you smelling booze on their clothing.

Warning Signs To Look Out For

Here are a few common changes in your kid’s physical appearance and behavior that may be warning signs that they have been drinking:

Mood changes: flare-ups of temper, irritability, and defensiveness
School problems: poor attendance, low grades, and/or recent disciplinary action
Pushing boundaries: rebellion against family rules
Friend group changes: switching friends and a reluctance to let you get to know the new friends
A “nothing matters” attitude: sloppy appearance, a lack of involvement in former interests, and general low energy
Alcohol presence: finding it in your child’s room or backpack or smelling alcohol on his or her breath
Physical or mental problems: memory lapses, poor concentration, bloodshot eyes, lack of coordination, or slurred speech
Secretiveness: reluctance to share their whereabouts

Although these signs may indicate a problem with alcohol or other substances, some also reflect normal growing pains, which is why it’s important not to jump to conclusions. However, if you notice several of these signs at the same time, if they occur suddenly, or if they are extreme in nature, it may be indicative of a drinking problem.

What To Do If Your Child Has Been Drinking

Remain calm – While it may seem difficult in the moment to stay calm, it’s important not to immediately jump to conclusions or play the blame game. Let your child know that you are aware that they have been drinking, then take some time to settle down, to ease out of whatever shock, anger, or powerlessness you may be feeling.

Talk about what happened – Listen to your kid, gathering information about their perspective of what happened, why, and what they think now. Through their own processing, your child can decide alcohol is bad for them on their own.

Help them understand why alcohol is harmful to them – Explain to your child the dangerous long-term effects of alcohol. Make it clear that you’re not just being irrational and emphasize your concern for their safety.

Identify steps for future prevention – Having reflected on the situation, it’s time to partner with your kid for the future. What consequences are necessary now and what can be put in place to break the pattern for next time?

And Remember…

It’s important to remember that this is not a one-time discussion, but rather an ongoing conversation. Keep an eye on your child and check in with them regularly, because young people are more likely to drink if they think no one will notice.

Parent Up is here to help. Check out our collection of online tools and resources for more facts on drinking, tips for starting a conversation with your child, and tips on how you can prevent underage drinking.

Sources:
1. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Prevent and Reduce Underage Drinking. Rockville, MD: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; 2007.
2. https://www.addictioncenter.com/teenage-drug-abuse/underage-drinking/

Alcohol Advertising – How It Influences Youth Perceptions on Drinking

May 8, 2024July 15, 2019 by KCadmin

This month, Ryan Shafer, Community Development Specialist with the Clay County Health Center, describes the effect of alcohol advertising on youth, and the correlation it has with underage drinking.

Advertising is everywhere, and alcohol-related advertising is no exception. In 2011 alone, 14 major alcohol marketers spent a whopping $3.45 billion on advertising.¹ According to the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, youth aged 11 to 14 see an average of 2 to 4 alcohol advertisements every day.² While the purpose of advertising is to inform consumers about a product, it’s also meant to enhance a company’s image and convince customers to make a purchase. This has the potential to be dangerous in situations where alcohol ads are put in front of the eyes of youth.

The Research

Alcohol companies try to portray their brand as cool, stylish, and fun. Anyone who was once a teenager can attest to how appealing that would seem! Wanting to feel popular and liked is normal, but for a high schooler, feeling popular can mean everything.

So what impact does alcohol advertising have on youth, and is there a correlation to underage drinking? A study that followed 7th to 9th graders examined this question in-depth and found that ads did in fact have a profound effect on underage drinking.

At the start, students were divided into two groups; initial non-drinkers (who had never had a sip of alcohol) and initial drinkers. What they found was that by grade 9, nearly half of the 7th graders that were non-drinkers became drinkers, and that in-store advertisements had the greatest influence with this group.³

Other studies published found similar results. A 2015 study found that receptivity to television alcohol advertising among underage participants was a predictor of the onset of drinking, binge drinking, and hazardous drinking.⁴Findings from another study revealed that the more alcohol advertisements youth saw above the average resulted in an increase in the number of drinks they consumed each month.⁵

What Can Parents Do?

Beyond modelling responsible behavior, it’s important for parents to have conversations with their kids in order to empower them to make smart choices independent of the influence of big corporations. As a parent, you have significant influence over your child’s choices. In fact, a 2016 Roper youth report found that parents have 71 times more influence on their child’s decision to drink than alcohol advertising.⁶

The Federal Trade Commission has created a list of guiding questions to help improve the “media literacy” of your child and teach them to think critically about the advertisements they see. Tailoring the message to your child’s age and attention level, pick an ad you see and draw out their thoughts by asking questions like:

Who created or paid for the ad, and why?
What do they want you to do?
What techniques are being used to make the scene and the product look attractive? For example,
- Who are the people in the ad and how do they look?
- What are they doing, and where?
- Does the ad try to associate the brand with fun, or sports, or humor? How?
- Does the ad suggest that alcohol somehow makes the situation better?
- How does this ad make you feel? Is this an accident, or did the advertiser intend it?
- What message is the ad trying to get you to believe?
- What values and lifestyles are represented by this ad?
- What isn’t the ad saying? Does it show anything bad about alcohol?

The aim of this exercise is to help your child better understand an ad and challenge the message behind it. It’s meant to help your child realize that they don’t have to accept an advertiser’s message at face value.

Start the Conversation on Underage Drinking Today

You can’t always control all the advertising your child gets exposed to, but you can empower them to think critically and make smart decisions. The conversations you have with your child about drinking will have a bigger impact than you think! Teaching your teenagers to evaluate advertisements and question the purpose behind them is a critical first step in allowing them to make smart decisions.

Unsure of how to approach a conversation about drinking with your child? Check out our list of talking points to help guide the conversation.

Ryan Shafer is a Community Development Specialist with the Clay County Health Center in Liberty Missouri. In 2015 he earned his master’s in public health from the University of Missouri focusing on policy and behavior change. As a Community Development Specialist he works with numerous school coalitions on implementing tobacco and alcohol prevention programs based on the latest research available. He is passionate about improving the health of communities through creating partnerships, implementing policies, and use of best practices to progress health equity for all.

Sources

1. Federal Trade Commission. (2014). Self-Regulation in the Alcohol Industry

2. Collins, R. L., Martino, S. C., Kovalchik, S. A., Becker, K. M., Shadel, W. G., & D’Amico, E. J. (May 2016). Alcohol advertising exposure among middle school–age youth: An assessment across all media and venues. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 77(3), 384–392

3. Collins, Rebecca L., Phyllis L. Ellickson, Daniel F. McCaffrey, and Katrin Hambarsoomian, Forging the Link Between Alcohol Advertising and Underage Drinking. Santa Monica, CA: RAND Corporation, 2006. Accessed on June 10^th, 2019 Available at: https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9073.html

4. Tanski SE, McClure AC, Li Z, et al. Cued Recall of Alcohol Advertising on Television and Underage Drinking Behavior. JAMA Pediatr. 2015;169(3):264–271. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2014.3345

5. L.B. Snyder, F.F. Milici, M. Slater, H. Sun, and Y. Strizhakova, “Effects of Alcohol Advertising Exposure on Drinking Among Youth,” Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine 160 (2006): 18-24

6. GfK Roper Youth Report. Americans age 13-17.2016 Accessed on June 27^th, 2019. Available at: http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2016/images/09/07/influencesonyouthsdecisionsaboutdrinking-2016-03-11.pdf

What To Do If You Find Out An Adult Is Providing Alcohol

May 8, 2024April 16, 2019 by KCadmin

This month, Laura Bruce, describes a dilemma parents commonly discuss with her in her role as a prevention specialist.

“There were two kids passed out on the couch.”

This is what my son just told me. It was one of those special moments when my teenager actually opened up to me about his weekend and his friends. He was vulnerable, and I could tell that he was scared I was going to get really mad. I tried really hard to maintain composure, just listening, waiting for him to tell me more. He explained that he didn’t drink but all his friends did, some of them drinking so much they passed out. I ask about the parents, and he shared that they were upstairs and they knew that everyone was drinking— it was the parents who bought the alcohol. Then he went quiet–he really didn’t want me to dislike those parents or his friends. I consoled my son, thanking him for confiding in me and telling him I was so proud for not drinking. I told him that he can always call me if kids start drinking and I’d come get him ASAP. I gave him a hug.

Phew. My heart pounded as I left the conversation. On one hand, my kid was fine. He did the right thing and I’m so glad he was honest with me. On the other hand, I was furious that this parent provided alcohol to MY kid and his friends. Didn’t they know they were setting up kids for a host of immediate and long-term problems?
Nancy B. Kansas City, Missouri

Alarming Stats

In my job as a prevention specialist, I hear stories like this from parents all the time. They’re angry that the providers of alcohol are other adults or parents who should know better.

The alarming truth is that kids in the Kansas City Northland rarely get alcohol from retailers; their source is usually older friends or family members. In the Missouri Student Survey conducted in 2018, 62.2% of adolescents claimed to have acquired alcohol through a friend, while 41.6% stated that they got alcohol through family members. And while parents may think they’re doing the right thing because they’re “supervising” the situation, the reality is that they’re contributing to the problem.

Now What?

As a parent, the steps you take today will have a profound impact on the health and future well-being of your children. That’s why it’s crucial to speak up and play a proactive role in preventing underage drinking. Parent Up provides a ton of resources for having conversations with your child about underage drinking so they’re more likely to make the right decision in the moment.

If you find yourself in a sticky situation similar to Nancy’s in the story above, you may feel conflicted on what to do. Here are a few approaches you can take if you discover that other adults or parents are providing alcohol or allowing underage drinking:

Call law enforcement
Contact the adult directly
Notify your school or other parents

If you don’t feel comfortable taking these steps or they’re not the best options for your situation, we’ve created a warning letter you can send. It’s a sensitively written letter that informs the adult that it is known they provided alcohol to minors and outlines the dangers associated with underage drinking. Visit our Parent Warning Letter webpage for more information on how to use this resource.