Parenting: The Quiet Heartbreak of Doing Your Best

Miranda Jamison is a local parent and the lead reporter for The Richmond News and The Excelsior Springs Standard. She covers everything from local government and education to the people and events that make small-town Missouri thrive. 

Passionate about storytelling, Miranda strives to write pieces that inform, connect, and inspire her community. When she’s not covering a meeting or writing a feature, she enjoys time with her daughter, Aurora, who inspires much of the heart behind her work.

Parenting doesn’t always break your heart in loud or dramatic ways.

Most of the time, it’s quieter. It happens when the house is still, the workday feels endless and you suddenly realize your child has been waiting for you to notice the time slipping by. It’s the kind of heartbreak that doesn’t come from a single moment but from the slow awareness that love, no matter how strong, sometimes gets buried beneath responsibility.

The other night, my daughter Aurora told me she feels like I am always working. She said when we go somewhere, it’s usually an event for my job, and that even when we’re home, I’m on my computer late into the night. Her voice wasn’t angry, just honest. To her, work had become the quiet wall between us.

Parents everywhere know that sinking feeling. You try to explain work isn’t a choice, it’s what keeps life running. You tell them it’s what allows the lights to stay on, the bills to be paid and the small joys to be possible. But no matter how carefully you explain it, the words never feel like enough. They sound like excuses when what they want most is your time.

That conversation with my daughter felt like a small knife in the chest, not because  she meant to hurt me but because she was right. It wasn’t about neglect or disinterest – it was about the cost of doing your best. Every parent tries to balance a dozen worlds at once and the guilt comes not from failing, but from realizing that success in one part of life can look like absence in another.

When she spoke, I saw years of late nights, phone calls during dinner and events blurring the line between personal and professional. To me, those moments were a sign of dedication. To her, they were evidence she didn’t have my full attention.

Both of us were right and both of us were hurting.

It’s easy to romanticize parenthood as a perfect story filled with laughter, bedtime hugs and shared adventures. What often gets left out is the moment when your child shares something, forcing you to see yourself more clearly. The part where your best intentions are overshadowed by regret. Parenting isn’t just love and patience, it’s constant recalibration.

After our talk, we sat in silence for a while. She leaned her head on my shoulder and neither of us said much. That silence was its own kind of understanding. It wasn’t forgiveness exactly, just a quiet truce between love and the world that keeps intruding on it.

Later that night, after she went to bed, I stared at the computer screen and wondered how many moments I had traded for another hour of work. The thought wasn’t about guilt, exactly. It was about recognition. The realization I had been moving too fast to notice the small things she’d been missing.

The truth is, working parents live with a constant tug-of-war. You want to provide stability, but that pursuit can start to erase the very presence your children crave. You tell yourself they’ll understand someday, when they’re grown and see the bills, deadlines and expectations. But what if the understanding never fully replaces the memory of distance?

 My daughter’s words echoed in my head long after she went to bed. “You’re always
working.” Simple, but true. It reminded me that childhood moves quickly, while the work never ends. The emails will always come. The stories, the meetings, the demands – they refill faster than you can finish them.

But a child’s voice asking for your attention doesn’t stay young forever.

That night, I made a quiet promise to be more aware. Not to do more, or plan more, but to notice more. To pause before answering another email. To hear my daughter when she speaks, not just listen while thinking about what comes next.

Parenting rarely offers do-overs. It does give softer chances, though. Those small, unseen moments where we realize we’ve been running too fast to feel what matters. Awareness becomes its own kind of apology. It’s not about grand gestures or perfect balance. It’s about slowing down enough to let love be noticed.

Since that conversation, I’ve caught myself paying closer attention. The sound of her laughter, the stories she tells in half-sentences, the way her eyes light up when she’s proud of something. They’re ordinary things, easy to overlook, but they’ve started to feel like reminders that connection doesn’t demand time – it demands presence. 

Every parent carries the weight of two truths: that we work to give our children the best and that in doing so, we sometimes drift away from the very people we’re working for. We chase security, comfort, opportunity – all noble things – but in the process, we risk missing the quiet, unremarkable beauty of simply being there.

There’s no easy fix. Bills won’t disappear, jobs won’t slow down and the world won’t suddenly hand us more hours in a day. But maybe it’s not about finding more time. Maybe it’s about recognizing the time that already exists, tucked between moments we’ve convinced ourselves are too busy to matter.

Parenting doesn’t have a finish line or a final grade. There’s no scoreboard to tell you how you’re doing. Some nights you’ll feel like you’re failing and maybe that’s part of the work. The ache of it means you care deeply enough to notice the gap between what you give and what they need.

The heartbreak of parenting isn’t a sign of failure – it’s proof of love. It’s the quiet reminder that our hearts are tied to something we can’t control, something that grows and pulls away and depends on us, yet dreams of independence. It’s knowing every moment of closeness is temporary and love demands showing up anyway.

That night with my daughter subtly changed something in me. It didn’t eliminate responsibilities, but it shifted how I see them. Deadlines still matter, but sometimes the story can wait, and work can be paused.

Because in the end, children won’t remember how hard we worked. They’ll remember if we looked up. They’ll remember the warmth in our voice, laughter during late dinners and walks that didn’t have a purpose beyond being together.

It’s humbling to realize love and effort don’t always look the same from both sides. To a child, love looks like time. To a parent, love often looks like sacrifice. The hardest part of parenting is trying to show both at once and forgiving yourself when you fall short.

That’s what makes it heartbreaking. You can give everything you have and still wish you had given it differently. But even in that ache, there’s beauty.

Because every parent who feels that tug, that guilt, that deep want to do better – is already doing something right.

Love doesn’t demand perfection. It simply asks us to keep showing up, keep trying and never stop listening when our children remind us what truly matters.

Teen Vaping is Down, But Nicotine Use is Up – Here’s Why

There’s a new nicotine trend taking hold among teens, and it’s not vaping. Usage of this product amongst high schoolers nearly doubled between 2023 and 2024, fueled by the aggressive marketing and the promise of being “tobacco-free.” 

Unfortunately, these small, flavored pouches are packed with potent doses of nicotine that make them highly addictive and especially harmful to teens who are intrigued by the discreet packaging, affordable price ($4-6 per pack), and accessibility. 

Many teens believe these products are safer than smoking or vaping, but the truth is nicotine pouches pose serious risks to youth health like addiction, brain development issues, and other long-term impacts.

What are Nicotine Pouches?

Nicotine pouches are compact, white packets that contain nicotine, flavorings, and other ingredients, but no tobacco. The pouch is tucked between a person’s lip or cheek where the nicotine is absorbed into the bloodstream through the mucus membranes in the mouth. 

The pouches can be left in the mouth for 15 to 60 minutes, but there are no directions that explicitly share the instructions (seriously – try and find more specific directions for use. We’ll wait.) Because nicotine pouches do not produce smoke or vapor, they’re harder for parents to detect.

The nicotine in these products are either synthetic or derived from tobacco and can come in a variety of flavors. Typically, the nicotine pouches are sold in tins of 15 to 20 pouches and can be sold in a variety of nicotine strengths.

For example, the popular brand Zyn offers both 3 mg and 6 mg of nicotine per pouch. Other brands like Velo, Rogue, or On! can range from 2-30 mg per pouch!

The nicotine ingested from one 6 mg Zyn would be the equivalent to smoking 2-3 cigarettes, and users are not aware of the full nicotine amount in each pouch, which means some are using multiple pouches a day!​

Here’s Why Nicotine Pouches Are Harmful to Youth

Nicotine pouches may seem like a safer alternative to smoking or vaping for teens who aren’t familiar with the health risks, but these pouches still deliver high doses of nicotine – a highly addictive and harmful substance, especially for teens with growing brains. 

Despite lacking tobacco, these products contain synthetic or purified nicotine that can disrupt brain development, harm learning and memory, and increase vulnerability to addiction, especially if there’s a family history of addiction. 

In fact, nicotine itself can damage the heart, increase heart rate and blood pressure, and harden arteries over time. Mental health isn’t spared either – mental health issues like anxiety, irritability, and mood swings can be increased by nicotine use.

Signs Your Teen Might Be Using Nicotine Pouches

Nicotine pouch use can be subtle, but there are warning signs:

  • Look for mood changes like irritability, anxiety, or restlessness, which may signal nicotine withdrawal
  • Physical symptoms like frequent  headaches, nausea, or dizziness without a clear cause can also be a clue
  • Finding small round tins, white gum-like pouches, or noticing fruity or minty smells may indicate use
  • Gum or mouth irritation is another possible sign

How to Talk to Your Teen About Nicotine Pouches

  • Get Prepared: You’ll want to share the physical and mental health risks of using nicotine with your child to support your stance. Here’s a quick recap of all we’ve discussed so far:
      • Nicotine is not safe for youth. Using nicotine during adolescence can:
      • Greatly increase the risk of addiction to nicotine, especially if there is a family history of addiction
      • Harm brain development, which continues until about age 25!
      • Negatively impact learning, memory, and attention now and into adulthood
      • Nicotine can increase mood swings, anxiety, and irritability

  • Set Expectations: You’ll want to explain your family rules about nicotine use to your child, including consequences, with consistency and care. Make sure you’re clear on these expectations and consequences yourself before talking to your child, so you can clearly explain them during your conversations. Find help with setting expectations here. 😉

  • Lead with Curiosity, Not Confrontation: Remember, the goal is to build and grow a relationship with your teen that is honest, trusting, and open – which is an important protective factor to safeguard them from nicotine and other substance use! 
      • Start your conversations calmly; practice refraining from judgement or anger
      • It’s more important – and effective– to listen and discuss rather than to lecture
      • Take a strong stance against teen nicotine use, expressing care and concern 
      • Be curious and open-minded about kids’ experiences: ask them what they think, know, or have heard about nicotine pouches (like Zyn) or if anyone at school uses them
      • Emphasize the health and independence of a no-nicotine lifestyle, which appeals to their sense of autonomy and long-term goals
      • Give your child the opportunity to ask you questions – even if you don’t know the answer, you can look into it together!
      • Keep the dialogue open and let them know they can come to you with more questions or for help

  • Talk Often!: Have regular conversations about your nicotine-free expectations, including cigarettes, vapes, and nicotine products like pouches, lozenges, and gum.
      • These conversations are more likely to be successful when they take place more casually like while driving in the car, taking a walk, or washing dishes after dinner
      • Taking advantage of these smaller moments and potential in-roads will help the conversation seem less threatening and more natural
      • Use the environment to spur conversation, like when you see an advertisement for nicotine pouches or other products, or watching a movie with your teen that shows nicotine use

What Else Can Parents Do?

  • Let your child know you will help them if they’re using nicotine to seek relief from anxiety, stress, etc. Assure your child that their mental well-being is a priority and that they have options for relief other than taking matters into their own hands. Discuss the steps to legally and safely obtain appropriate medications from a doctor, if needed.
  • Prepare kids for peer pressure. It might sound cheesy, but these roleplays let your child know you support them and they do help give them confidence if a situation arises where they need to say “no.” You can also work with your teen to come up with a code word to text you if they feel like they need your help to get out of an unsafe situation.
  • Find support from your child’s dentist, coaches, doctor, youth leaders, and teachers.
    Ask them if they can help support your nicotine-free expectations in their interactions with your child. Make the ask even easier by bringing a handout like this to refer to and leave with them. Building a village of support is so important to prevention, and can be especially crucial if you suspect your child may be using nicotine.
  • Support teens who want to quit nicotine without stigma or shame. If a teen you know wants to quit, they can get free, confidential support from a My Life My Quit coach at MO.MyLifeMyQuit.org. They can also text ‘Start My Quit’ to 36072. This local cessation resource sends them tips to help them quit nicotine for good.

The bottom line: No matter the device or method, nicotine is harmful for kids. Stay informed. Stay connected. Keep the conversation going. You’ve got this!

9 Ways to Root Your Family in Resilience

As parents or caregivers, we know you want the best for your kids and hope that they get to stay in their carefree kid phase for as long as possible. The reality, though, is that kids DO face challenges. As parents and caregivers, you play a crucial role in helping your kids develop the resilience to overcome those challenges.

What is resilience?

According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, or significant sources of stress. It is a tool to help manage uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, uncertainty, or stress. Resilient kids are better equipped to handle the everyday challenges of life and cope with problems they encounter. And the good news? Resilience can be built in kids (and adults!) of all ages, starting at home.

Here are nine ways families can root their children in resilience starting NOW!

  1. Give yourself (and your kids) grace. It’s safe to say that we all make mistakes. When we acknowledge mistakes, and talk about what can be learned from them, it lets our kids know that when they make mistakes or face challenges, it will be okay! 
  1. Provide structure for kids. Predictability and routine help make kids feel safe and give them purpose. Every second of your day doesn’t need to be planned out, but consider including things like morning and nighttime routines, blocks of time for school work or unstructured play, or even time set aside to plan/talk about what’s going on that day. Just as important as having routine, however, is to model flexibility. Our kids will be watching to see how we respond when we’re running late, as unplanned things pop up, and when life’s other common disruptions pop up.
  1. Practice your own self-care. Drink water, take breaks, maintain a consistent sleep schedule, move your body, color, read, do things you enjoy most. Taking care of yourself is essential for taking care of kids, and will help you and your child(ren) be better equipped to handle stress or challenges. 
  1. Model positive coping skills. Put words to your positive coping actions, for example:  “Whew, I am feeling stressed.  I’m going to take a walk. Want to come too?” If you find yourself reacting to a situation with a negative coping skill, talk with your child about how you would handle that differently next time and talk to them about what they would do if they were ever feeling that way.

  2. Find intentional moments to connect. A report from Harvard University suggests that the key to resilience in youth is one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult. To build that connection, utilize meal time, car rides, or set aside time to just talk, play, and be together. Strengthening these relationships before challenging or stressful times can help ensure that your child has at least one person they feel comfortable talking to when those times do come.
  1. Foster a sense of community. In addition to building connections with you, find places within your neighborhood, school, or larger community where kids can feel connected to others. Whether that’s joining a club, volunteering, attending larger family gatherings, or even just hanging out with peers, building a community where they feel included can promote resilience in the long run

  2. Teach problem solving; don’t give answers. Sometimes it’s easier to give kids answers and solutions to small problems, because we’ve been there and done that! However, kids need that opportunity to build those skills and practice coming to a successful solution on their own. Try asking them questions that might lead them to a solution and build their confidence in solving small problems by themselves.

  3. Move towards your goals. Model goal setting for yourself and help your child(ren) set reasonable goals. Setting goals can help kids feel a sense of control and as they accomplish those goals, build their confidence. In this process you’ll have the chance to help them identify stepping stones towards their goals, manage setbacks, evaluate their plans, and most importantly, celebrate successes big and small.
  1. Choose an attitude of gratitude. Focusing on things you are grateful for is instant stress relief! With practice, focusing on gratitude can help build emotional resilience by encouraging us to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. You can model gratitude, especially in hard times, by saying things like “Even though this is hard, I’m glad we have each other for support.” 

Youth in our community have tremendous potential and we all benefit when this potential is realized. The Roots of Resilience campaign is excited to partner with individuals, organizations, and various areas of our community to ensure that our actions support youth resilience and mental health. When we are intentional, and work together, we can ensure that ALL kids have the opportunity to thrive! Learn more about building resilience in your kids – and yourself – at RootsOfResilienceKC.com

Roots of Resilience KC Staff

Drawing Boundaries for Safe, Healthy Kids

Diane Pickert is a Community Prevention Specialist at Tri-County Mental Health Services in Kansas City, MO.  Her background education is in Early Childhood Development, Communication, and Religious Education.  She’s finishing her Masters at the moment from Maryvale Institute in Birmingham, England.  Diane’s focus has always been on the connection between faith, family and raising healthy children.

My 3 year-old grandson Ambrose drew a mural with markers, not once, but twice on walls in their family home.  First, all over the dining room wall and a year later, all over the upstairs hallway.  Needless to say, my daughter and her husband have had to set some boundaries with markers.  

It is normal in development for children in their early years to push their limits, which is why it is important to start setting boundaries young.  By setting these boundaries and establishing consequences, it helps children develop self-control, supports development, and fosters a moral compass.

Here are some reasons kids and teens need boundaries:

  • Boundaries teach self-discipline
  • Boundaries keep our children safe and healthy
  • Boundaries teach children how to socialize
  • Boundaries teach children how to cope with uncomfortable feelings
  • Boundaries encourage good behavior and good citizenship as they grow older
  • Boundaries are reassuring and actually show children you care about them

In adolescence, kids start testing limits with relationships and their bodies.  The emotional center of the adolescent brain is hyper-sensitive to risk and reward and it often overrides the underdeveloped front of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) where complex thought and decision making happens.  Adolescents are more likely to try things like drinking alcohol, vaping, or driving at dangerous speeds, leaving parents reminiscing of the days of coloring on the walls!

Setting boundaries helps the adolescent brain create pathways as your child grows up.  It shows kids you care about their health and development and makes them feel safe.  Setting firm boundaries and having regular conversations with your children will help them become responsible for their own actions, attitudes and emotions. Maintaining these boundaries will instill character in your children which will encourage them to lead a balanced, and resilient life well into their adult years.  And if your child is anything like my grandson, they will probably “color on the walls” more than once.  That’s ok and it doesn’t mean that your boundaries aren’t worth it.  Boundaries need to be defined more than once for adolescents. 

I’m sure as Ambrose continues to grow older he will need more boundaries set for different reasons.  His parents will have many conversations with him, not because they want to stifle his curiosity or creativity, but because they simply love him and want him to be safe. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your kids and teens.  It enhances their ability to cope with life’s disappointments (without drugs like nicotine and marijuana) and helps them gain a sense of control.  Make sure you have regular conversations with your children and, most importantly, love them even in the midst of their mistakes.

The Magic of Family Meals

How has family meal time changed for you this year? Has your family had to adapt to new school and work schedules, making it harder to fit in meal time together? Or has your family had more at-home meals than ever? Are you officially tired of cooking, or maybe you or have developed a surprising love for trying new recipes? Has it been awhile since you’ve had the opportunity to eat a restaurant meal? Or maybe you’ve been able to try some new restaurants with carry-out and delivery options this year?

We’ve almost been in a pandemic for a year now, so no doubt your family’s meal patterns have changed from what they were last year at this time. No matter what situation your family finds itself in right now, here at Parent Up we want to encourage you to keep family meals together a high priority. As parents, a lot is thrown at us about what we should or shouldn’t do to help our kids. Some of this advice seems achievable, and some of it can seem overwhelming. The thing with family meals is this: a relatively low time commitment can lead to great long-term benefits for your children and your family.

 

Research points to family meals as helping to increase children’s academic performance, literacy, and connection to family, while decreasing the risk of depression, substance use, and obesity. Family meals have been researched for many years now and the outcome is clear:  Family meals make a positive difference. If you are already having family meals most days, great job! If not, think about how many times your family currently sits down together for a meal per week. How can you slowly improve on this? Make it simple for yourself and give yourself grace as you incorporate more family meals into your routine. Here are some things to keep in mind:

 

1. Keep it simple. Things are busy, and some nights following a recipe just isn’t happening. Planning ahead of time helps a lot, but if you haven’t planned ahead and find yourself stressing over a meal, give yourself permission to do something simple. Open a couple cans of soup, make a plate of cheese and crackers and lunchmeat, fix some boxed mac and cheese or a simple sandwich. Having good nutritious meals is great of course, but don’t miss out on the benefits of family meals just because you don’t have the ingredients or motivation to cook a big meal. We’ve all been there! Even a simple meal together can provide the benefits of family connection.

 

2. It doesn’t have to be “dinner.” If your family’s schedule works out better to have breakfast together some days, or an after-school snack at the table, or even a late night dessert together on a weekend, then make that your priority! Think about what works for your family, set your goals, and take some little steps to make it happen!

 

3. Work towards limited distractions at mealtimes. Put away the phones in a special bowl or make an “unplugged box” that you keep away from the table and turn off the tv. This allows for each family member to listen to one another and build a conversation without competing with electronics for attention.

 

4. Encourage kids to participate in meal preparation and conversation. When they participate in making the meal, kids build responsibility and feel more connected. To help kids with conversation, have them come up with questions that they want to ask parents or find some simple table-time questions and ideas to get started.

 

Make 2021 the year where family meals rise in your priority list. Visit ParentUpKC.com/Meaningful-Meals, where you can find more information on this topic, as well as simple recipes and table talk ideas. Parents, you’ve got this!

By Parent Up KC Staff

What We Want Every Parent to Know

There’s yard signs, news headlines, and lawsuits buzzing around us. No, we are not talking about the election. We’re talking about medical marijuana. In 2018, Missouri voters approved a constitutional amendment to allow medical marijuana to be grown, manufactured, dispensed, and used in Missouri. You will soon (if you haven’t yet) start to notice this new industry pop up in various ways in our communities. While there’s plenty we could talk about related to medical marijuana, our goals at Parent Up are specific:  Empower and equip parents to protect their kids from early engagement in all substance use. With this in mind, here is what we want every parent to know to help keep their kids and teens safe:

  1. Many in the local medical marijuana industry, health experts, and addiction researchers agree:  No amount of marijuana for youth is safe. Marijuana is dangerous for young, developing brains and the earlier someone starts to use marijuana, the greater their chance of becoming dependent on it. The average potency of THC in the marijuana sold today is higher than ever before and science is just starting to measure the impact. While every brain and body is impacted differently, we do know that adolescents are more vulnerable to the negative impacts of marijuana use. If teens use marijuana, their risk of addiction, mental health problems, impaired driving, and problems with thinking, memory, learning and coordination increase.

  2. Medical marijuana, is still marijuana. It is now legal for individuals and businesses who qualify to grow, manufacture, recommend, sell, market, smoke, vape, consume, and use marijuana. Medical marijuana will come in a lot of different products (edibles, candies, concentrates, buds, waxes, cartridges for vapes, and more) at various unregulated potencies. With increased availability of THC-packed marijuana, we need to do everything we can to ensure this substance is not diverted to youth.

  1. Now’s the time to take action to protect your kids and other young people from any early use of any marijuana:  Learn more about the vulnerable adolescent brain so you are energized to protect it.  Communicate a strong stance against all youth substance use, including marijuana.  Keep marijuana out of reach of youth, and watch for any early warning signs of use or risk factors.

As more marijuana comes to our communities, Parent Up is here to help. Throughout our resources, you can read more about the impact of marijuana on youth, learn what to say (or not to say) to your teen, take action if you know adults who provide marijuana, and like and share our messages on Facebook. Worried your child may be using marijuana or other drugs?  The Partnership to End Addiction can helpThanks for doing all you can to protect the health and safety of your kids!

 

From, Your Parent Up KC Staff

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