Raising Elementary Schoolers

9 Ways to Root Your Family in Resilience

August 12, 2024 by KCadmin

As parents or caregivers, we know you want the best for your kids and hope that they get to stay in their carefree kid phase for as long as possible. The reality, though, is that kids DO face challenges. As parents and caregivers, you play a crucial role in helping your kids develop the resilience to overcome those challenges.

What is resilience?

According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, or significant sources of stress. It is a tool to help manage uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, uncertainty, or stress. Resilient kids are better equipped to handle the everyday challenges of life and cope with problems they encounter. And the good news? Resilience can be built in kids (and adults!) of all ages, starting at home.

Here are nine ways families can root their children in resilience starting NOW!

Give yourself (and your kids) grace. It’s safe to say that we all make mistakes. When we acknowledge mistakes, and talk about what can be learned from them, it lets our kids know that when they make mistakes or face challenges, it will be okay!

Provide structure for kids. Predictability and routine help make kids feel safe and give them purpose. Every second of your day doesn’t need to be planned out, but consider including things like morning and nighttime routines, blocks of time for school work or unstructured play, or even time set aside to plan/talk about what’s going on that day. Just as important as having routine, however, is to model flexibility. Our kids will be watching to see how we respond when we’re running late, as unplanned things pop up, and when life’s other common disruptions pop up.

Practice your own self-care. Drink water, take breaks, maintain a consistent sleep schedule, move your body, color, read, do things you enjoy most. Taking care of yourself is essential for taking care of kids, and will help you and your child(ren) be better equipped to handle stress or challenges.

Model positive coping skills. Put words to your positive coping actions, for example: “Whew, I am feeling stressed. I’m going to take a walk. Want to come too?” If you find yourself reacting to a situation with a negative coping skill, talk with your child about how you would handle that differently next time and talk to them about what they would do if they were ever feeling that way.
Find intentional moments to connect. A report from Harvard University suggests that the key to resilience in youth is one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult. To build that connection, utilize meal time, car rides, or set aside time to just talk, play, and be together. Strengthening these relationships before challenging or stressful times can help ensure that your child has at least one person they feel comfortable talking to when those times do come.

Foster a sense of community. In addition to building connections with you, find places within your neighborhood, school, or larger community where kids can feel connected to others. Whether that’s joining a club, volunteering, attending larger family gatherings, or even just hanging out with peers, building a community where they feel included can promote resilience in the long run.
Teach problem solving; don’t give answers. Sometimes it’s easier to give kids answers and solutions to small problems, because we’ve been there and done that! However, kids need that opportunity to build those skills and practice coming to a successful solution on their own. Try asking them questions that might lead them to a solution and build their confidence in solving small problems by themselves.
Move towards your goals. Model goal setting for yourself and help your child(ren) set reasonable goals. Setting goals can help kids feel a sense of control and as they accomplish those goals, build their confidence. In this process you’ll have the chance to help them identify stepping stones towards their goals, manage setbacks, evaluate their plans, and most importantly, celebrate successes big and small.

Choose an attitude of gratitude. Focusing on things you are grateful for is instant stress relief! With practice, focusing on gratitude can help build emotional resilience by encouraging us to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. You can model gratitude, especially in hard times, by saying things like “Even though this is hard, I’m glad we have each other for support.”

Youth in our community have tremendous potential and we all benefit when this potential is realized. The Roots of Resilience campaign is excited to partner with individuals, organizations, and various areas of our community to ensure that our actions support youth resilience and mental health. When we are intentional, and work together, we can ensure that ALL kids have the opportunity to thrive! Learn more about building resilience in your kids – and yourself – at RootsOfResilienceKC.com!

Roots of Resilience KC Staff

Drawing Boundaries for Safe, Healthy Kids

May 8, 2024March 1, 2021 by KCadmin

Diane Pickert is a Community Prevention Specialist at Tri-County Mental Health Services in Kansas City, MO. Her background education is in Early Childhood Development, Communication, and Religious Education. She’s finishing her Masters at the moment from Maryvale Institute in Birmingham, England. Diane’s focus has always been on the connection between faith, family and raising healthy children.

My 3 year-old grandson Ambrose drew a mural with markers, not once, but twice on walls in their family home. First, all over the dining room wall and a year later, all over the upstairs hallway. Needless to say, my daughter and her husband have had to set some boundaries with markers.

It is normal in development for children in their early years to push their limits, which is why it is important to start setting boundaries young. By setting these boundaries and establishing consequences, it helps children develop self-control, supports development, and fosters a moral compass.

Here are some reasons kids and teens need boundaries:

Boundaries teach self-discipline
Boundaries keep our children safe and healthy
Boundaries teach children how to socialize
Boundaries teach children how to cope with uncomfortable feelings
Boundaries encourage good behavior and good citizenship as they grow older
Boundaries are reassuring and actually show children you care about them

In adolescence, kids start testing limits with relationships and their bodies. The emotional center of the adolescent brain is hyper-sensitive to risk and reward and it often overrides the underdeveloped front of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) where complex thought and decision making happens. Adolescents are more likely to try things like drinking alcohol, vaping, or driving at dangerous speeds, leaving parents reminiscing of the days of coloring on the walls!

Setting boundaries helps the adolescent brain create pathways as your child grows up. It shows kids you care about their health and development and makes them feel safe. Setting firm boundaries and having regular conversations with your children will help them become responsible for their own actions, attitudes and emotions. Maintaining these boundaries will instill character in your children which will encourage them to lead a balanced, and resilient life well into their adult years. And if your child is anything like my grandson, they will probably “color on the walls” more than once. That’s ok and it doesn’t mean that your boundaries aren’t worth it. Boundaries need to be defined more than once for adolescents.

I’m sure as Ambrose continues to grow older he will need more boundaries set for different reasons. His parents will have many conversations with him, not because they want to stifle his curiosity or creativity, but because they simply love him and want him to be safe. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your kids and teens. It enhances their ability to cope with life’s disappointments (without drugs like nicotine and marijuana) and helps them gain a sense of control. Make sure you have regular conversations with your children and, most importantly, love them even in the midst of their mistakes.

The Magic of Family Meals

May 8, 2024February 2, 2021 by KCadmin

How has family meal time changed for you this year? Has your family had to adapt to new school and work schedules, making it harder to fit in meal time together? Or has your family had more at-home meals than ever? Are you officially tired of cooking, or maybe you or have developed a surprising love for trying new recipes? Has it been awhile since you’ve had the opportunity to eat a restaurant meal? Or maybe you’ve been able to try some new restaurants with carry-out and delivery options this year?

We’ve almost been in a pandemic for a year now, so no doubt your family’s meal patterns have changed from what they were last year at this time. No matter what situation your family finds itself in right now, here at Parent Up we want to encourage you to keep family meals together a high priority. As parents, a lot is thrown at us about what we should or shouldn’t do to help our kids. Some of this advice seems achievable, and some of it can seem overwhelming. The thing with family meals is this: a relatively low time commitment can lead to great long-term benefits for your children and your family.

Research points to family meals as helping to increase children’s academic performance, literacy, and connection to family, while decreasing the risk of depression, substance use, and obesity. Family meals have been researched for many years now and the outcome is clear: Family meals make a positive difference. If you are already having family meals most days, great job! If not, think about how many times your family currently sits down together for a meal per week. How can you slowly improve on this? Make it simple for yourself and give yourself grace as you incorporate more family meals into your routine. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Keep it simple. Things are busy, and some nights following a recipe just isn’t happening. Planning ahead of time helps a lot, but if you haven’t planned ahead and find yourself stressing over a meal, give yourself permission to do something simple. Open a couple cans of soup, make a plate of cheese and crackers and lunchmeat, fix some boxed mac and cheese or a simple sandwich. Having good nutritious meals is great of course, but don’t miss out on the benefits of family meals just because you don’t have the ingredients or motivation to cook a big meal. We’ve all been there! Even a simple meal together can provide the benefits of family connection.

2. It doesn’t have to be “dinner.” If your family’s schedule works out better to have breakfast together some days, or an after-school snack at the table, or even a late night dessert together on a weekend, then make that your priority! Think about what works for your family, set your goals, and take some little steps to make it happen!

3. Work towards limited distractions at mealtimes. Put away the phones in a special bowl or make an “unplugged box” that you keep away from the table and turn off the tv. This allows for each family member to listen to one another and build a conversation without competing with electronics for attention.

4. Encourage kids to participate in meal preparation and conversation. When they participate in making the meal, kids build responsibility and feel more connected. To help kids with conversation, have them come up with questions that they want to ask parents or find some simple table-time questions and ideas to get started.

Make 2021 the year where family meals rise in your priority list. Visit ParentUpKC.com/Meaningful-Meals, where you can find more information on this topic, as well as simple recipes and table talk ideas. Parents, you’ve got this!

By Parent Up KC Staff

What We Want Every Parent to Know

May 8, 2024November 23, 2020 by KCadmin

There’s yard signs, news headlines, and lawsuits buzzing around us. No, we are not talking about the election. We’re talking about medical marijuana. In 2018, Missouri voters approved a constitutional amendment to allow medical marijuana to be grown, manufactured, dispensed, and used in Missouri. You will soon (if you haven’t yet) start to notice this new industry pop up in various ways in our communities. While there’s plenty we could talk about related to medical marijuana, our goals at Parent Up are specific: Empower and equip parents to protect their kids from early engagement in all substance use. With this in mind, here is what we want every parent to know to help keep their kids and teens safe:

Many in the local medical marijuana industry, health experts, and addiction researchers agree: No amount of marijuana for youth is safe. Marijuana is dangerous for young, developing brains and the earlier someone starts to use marijuana, the greater their chance of becoming dependent on it. The average potency of THC in the marijuana sold today is higher than ever before and science is just starting to measure the impact. While every brain and body is impacted differently, we do know that adolescents are more vulnerable to the negative impacts of marijuana use. If teens use marijuana, their risk of addiction, mental health problems, impaired driving, and problems with thinking, memory, learning and coordination increase.
Medical marijuana, is still marijuana. It is now legal for individuals and businesses who qualify to grow, manufacture, recommend, sell, market, smoke, vape, consume, and use marijuana. Medical marijuana will come in a lot of different products (edibles, candies, concentrates, buds, waxes, cartridges for vapes, and more) at various unregulated potencies. With increased availability of THC-packed marijuana, we need to do everything we can to ensure this substance is not diverted to youth.

Now’s the time to take action to protect your kids and other young people from any early use of any marijuana: Learn more about the vulnerable adolescent brain so you are energized to protect it. Communicate a strong stance against all youth substance use, including marijuana. Keep marijuana out of reach of youth, and watch for any early warning signs of use or risk factors.

As more marijuana comes to our communities, Parent Up is here to help. Throughout our resources, you can read more about the impact of marijuana on youth, learn what to say (or not to say) to your teen, take action if you know adults who provide marijuana, and like and share our messages on Facebook. Worried your child may be using marijuana or other drugs? The Partnership to End Addiction can help. Thanks for doing all you can to protect the health and safety of your kids!

From, Your Parent Up KC Staff