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Raising Tweens

How Can I Support Teens in Taking “Safe” Risks?

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If you’ve ever said, “What were you thinking?!” to a teen, you’re not alone! Luckily, a basic understanding of teen brain development can help us as adults understand why teens behave the way they do, even if we’re not neuroscientists. And this understanding is crucial to guiding teens towards safe, healthy exploration and away from harmful risks like vaping nicotine. It might sound crazy, but it’s true:

Our teens need to take risks as a part of their normal growth and development!

Why Our Teens Take Risks

As our teens grow up, the impulsive, risk-taking, and emotional center of the brain (the limbic system) and the logical, planning, and reasoning part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) are in a race to the developmental finish line. The emotional system crosses first, leaving the reasoning and thinking portion of the brain to catch up.

This makes the teen brain like a car with the gas pedal to the floor and no brakes: The limbic system is well-developed, acting as a powerful accelerator encouraging teens to take risks, act on impulses, and seek new experiences. But the prefrontal cortex is still in development, making teens less likely to stop and think things through, modify their behavior, or fully consider the consequences of their actions. The good news is that the prefrontal cortex does catch up later in life, closer to the age of 25 when our brains finish developing into adult brains.

Dr. Adriana Galván, an expert on adolescent brain development who runs the Developmental Neuroscience Lab at UCLA, found in her research that teens learn faster – and with better accuracy – than adults because of teens’ very active striatum – the reward center of the brain. This reward center is most active in the teen years and it’s very sensitive to rewards, enabling teens to learn new things much more quickly than adults, like learning a new language or how to play an instrument. And this makes sense for this time in life, right? The teen years are full of amazing learning and growth, about ourselves and the world around us! 

But Dr. Galván’s lab also found that teens with a more active reward center are more likely to take risks and to like it. This can spell trouble for teens if their risk-seeking brain is introduced to vaping (or other drug use). Dr. Galván poses this question in a great short video about the teen brain:

"Rather than ask how you keep your teenager from taking risks -
because we know the brain is really oriented toward risk at this time -
it's better to ask, how do I provide opportunities for healthy risks?"

How We Can Help Our Teens Take Safe Risks

Now, with our teens’ remarkable brains driving their learning and exploration, we get to step in and guide them towards things that scratch their risk-taking itch, but prevent negative consequences to their health and safety. Safe risk-taking doesn’t put your child in danger, but it does require them to risk something — like failure or criticism. And there are great benefits to taking safe risks! Safe risk-taking can boost our teens’ confidence, leadership skills, planning skills, and can help them learn to resist their impulses – all important skills to learn and practice for adulthood!

Here’s how you can start supporting teens in identifying and taking safe risks:

  • Talk to teens about their interests, passions, and their favorite things to do. Ask questions about what makes them happiest, what’s the most exciting thing they’ve ever done or can imagine doing, or what would they do if they had a whole day to do whatever they wanted. You can really think outside the box here! Do they enjoy sports? Does art excite them? Are they interested in music? Do they enjoy helping people or animals? These conversations will help you connect with your teen and also point you both in the right direction for your next step.

  • Help teens brainstorm some opportunities or challenges around their interests. For example, if your tween loves basketball, encourage them to try out for the team. If your teen enjoys painting, encourage them to enter a local art competition or display at their school. If they’re interested in music, maybe they can try out for the band this year, or audition for first chair if they’re already in band. If they love animals, challenge them to volunteer at an animal shelter weekly. If they have an interest in movies or TV, encourage them to try out for the school play, even if they’ve never acted before. There are so many possibilities! See what your child gravitates toward, then help them make a plan to get started!

  • Set teens up for success by supporting their needs where you can. Help your tween or teen think through what they’ll need to do this activity and ask them how you can support them. What equipment, tools, or materials might they need? How will they get to and from their activity? Who might they need to contact in order to get started? Whether it’s a ride to practice, an opportunity to shadow someone, or helping them buy materials, try to support them as best you can. Remember: Showing up to cheer them on or being a shoulder to lean on is free!

It’s important to note that we’re guiding and supporting our kids here. If they start to get off track, resist the urge to jump in and take over. If we give them too much help, it can negate the learning experience and their sense of control. Let them navigate through the process and follow up on how they’re feeling. If they are hesitant to try something new, you can talk about your own safe risk-taking successes and failures. Whatever the activity, our teens’ interest and passion will help drive teens to stick with it, even when things get tough. That being said, teens can change their interests as they explore the world and learn more about themselves. It’s okay if one of these ventures doesn’t pan out like they thought it would, there are always others to try!

To learn more about how we can help keep our kids safe from nicotine & vaping (and all drug use) and prevent addiction, check out the rest of our website here at ParentUpKC.com!

Medicine Safety: Help Protect Kids Now & in the Future

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In light of the opioid epidemic and with fentanyl already in our communities, it’s more important than ever to teach our younger kids about medication safety. By being proactive now, we can reduce the number of accidental poisonings directly and lay a foundation to protect our kids well into their future.

It’s not too early to start with age-appropriate education about medicine safety. According to the Missouri Poison Center, students can begin to self-medicate around age 11. According to research, beginning preventative education with young elementary school children has been shown to reduce the likelihood of chronic substance use in high school, and communication is an essential part of keeping our children healthy and safe! 

Below are five actionable tips and practices about medicine safety we can implement now while our children are still young to help them make safe choices related to medicines when they grow up:

1. Teach your child that they should only take medicine from trusted adults. Make a list of who these people are and remind them of this often.

2. Model responsible medication safety by never sharing medications or using someone else’s medications. Continually reinforce this message with your child, explaining that they should never share medication or take someone else’s medication.

3. Keep medications in their original containers to avoid confusion with other medicines or candy. This is also important because each medication has its own dosage, warnings, and directions for use. One of the most common mistakes when it comes to medication is accidental double dosing.

4. Always store medicine in a safe place, such as a place only you know about or a high shelf that children can’t reach. Don’t keep medicine in your bathroom medicine cabinet where anyone can find it.

5. Participate in regular safe medication disposal. Keeping unused, unwanted, or expired medication out of the house entirely will drastically limit the risks to kids. This fall, the DEA’s Drug Take Back Day is on Saturday, October 25th, 2025, where people can safely dispose of their prescription pills. Find a list of our local drop boxes in the Kansas City Northland here that are open all year long.

Thank you for taking the time to have these conversations and reinforce these medication safety practices.

Give this article a share and help protect all kids in our communities!

 

– Parent Up KC Staff

More Resources:

Teen Vaping is Down, But Nicotine Use is Up – Here’s Why

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There’s a new nicotine trend taking hold among teens, and it’s not vaping. Usage of this product amongst high schoolers nearly doubled between 2023 and 2024, fueled by the aggressive marketing and the promise of being “tobacco-free.” 

Unfortunately, these small, flavored pouches are packed with potent doses of nicotine that make them highly addictive and especially harmful to teens who are intrigued by the discreet packaging, affordable price ($4-6 per pack), and accessibility. 

Many teens believe these products are safer than smoking or vaping, but the truth is nicotine pouches pose serious risks to youth health like addiction, brain development issues, and other long-term impacts.

What are Nicotine Pouches?

Nicotine pouches are compact, white packets that contain nicotine, flavorings, and other ingredients, but no tobacco. The pouch is tucked between a person’s lip or cheek where the nicotine is absorbed into the bloodstream through the mucus membranes in the mouth. 

The pouches can be left in the mouth for 15 to 60 minutes, but there are no directions that explicitly share the instructions (seriously – try and find more specific directions for use. We’ll wait.) Because nicotine pouches do not produce smoke or vapor, they’re harder for parents to detect.

The nicotine in these products are either synthetic or derived from tobacco and can come in a variety of flavors. Typically, the nicotine pouches are sold in tins of 15 to 20 pouches and can be sold in a variety of nicotine strengths.

For example, the popular brand Zyn offers both 3 mg and 6 mg of nicotine per pouch. Other brands like Velo, Rogue, or On! can range from 2-30 mg per pouch!

The nicotine ingested from one 6 mg Zyn would be the equivalent to smoking 2-3 cigarettes, and users are not aware of the full nicotine amount in each pouch, which means some are using multiple pouches a day!​

American Lung Association

Here’s Why Nicotine Pouches Are Harmful to Youth

Nicotine pouches may seem like a safer alternative to smoking or vaping for teens who aren’t familiar with the health risks, but these pouches still deliver high doses of nicotine – a highly addictive and harmful substance, especially for teens with growing brains. 

Despite lacking tobacco, these products contain synthetic or purified nicotine that can disrupt brain development, harm learning and memory, and increase vulnerability to addiction, especially if there’s a family history of addiction. 

In fact, nicotine itself can damage the heart, increase heart rate and blood pressure, and harden arteries over time. Mental health isn’t spared either – mental health issues like anxiety, irritability, and mood swings can be increased by nicotine use.

Signs Your Teen Might Be Using Nicotine Pouches

Nicotine pouch use can be subtle, but there are warning signs:

  • Look for mood changes like irritability, anxiety, or restlessness, which may signal nicotine withdrawal
  • Physical symptoms like frequent  headaches, nausea, or dizziness without a clear cause can also be a clue
  • Finding small round tins, white gum-like pouches, or noticing fruity or minty smells may indicate use
  • Gum or mouth irritation is another possible sign

How to Talk to Your Teen About Nicotine Pouches

  • Get Prepared: You’ll want to share the physical and mental health risks of using nicotine with your child to support your stance. Here’s a quick recap of all we’ve discussed so far:
      • Nicotine is not safe for youth. Using nicotine during adolescence can:
      • Greatly increase the risk of addiction to nicotine, especially if there is a family history of addiction
      • Harm brain development, which continues until about age 25!
      • Negatively impact learning, memory, and attention now and into adulthood
      • Nicotine can increase mood swings, anxiety, and irritability

  • Set Expectations: You’ll want to explain your family rules about nicotine use to your child, including consequences, with consistency and care. Make sure you’re clear on these expectations and consequences yourself before talking to your child, so you can clearly explain them during your conversations. Find help with setting expectations here. 😉

  • Lead with Curiosity, Not Confrontation: Remember, the goal is to build and grow a relationship with your teen that is honest, trusting, and open – which is an important protective factor to safeguard them from nicotine and other substance use! 
      • Start your conversations calmly; practice refraining from judgement or anger
      • It’s more important – and effective– to listen and discuss rather than to lecture
      • Take a strong stance against teen nicotine use, expressing care and concern 
      • Be curious and open-minded about kids’ experiences: ask them what they think, know, or have heard about nicotine pouches (like Zyn) or if anyone at school uses them
      • Emphasize the health and independence of a no-nicotine lifestyle, which appeals to their sense of autonomy and long-term goals
      • Give your child the opportunity to ask you questions – even if you don’t know the answer, you can look into it together!
      • Keep the dialogue open and let them know they can come to you with more questions or for help

  • Talk Often!: Have regular conversations about your nicotine-free expectations, including cigarettes, vapes, and nicotine products like pouches, lozenges, and gum.
      • These conversations are more likely to be successful when they take place more casually like while driving in the car, taking a walk, or washing dishes after dinner
      • Taking advantage of these smaller moments and potential in-roads will help the conversation seem less threatening and more natural
      • Use the environment to spur conversation, like when you see an advertisement for nicotine pouches or other products, or watching a movie with your teen that shows nicotine use

What Else Can Parents Do?

  • Let your child know you will help them if they’re using nicotine to seek relief from anxiety, stress, etc. Assure your child that their mental well-being is a priority and that they have options for relief other than taking matters into their own hands. Discuss the steps to legally and safely obtain appropriate medications from a doctor, if needed.
  • Prepare kids for peer pressure. It might sound cheesy, but these roleplays let your child know you support them and they do help give them confidence if a situation arises where they need to say “no.” You can also work with your teen to come up with a code word to text you if they feel like they need your help to get out of an unsafe situation.
  • Find support from your child’s dentist, coaches, doctor, youth leaders, and teachers.
    Ask them if they can help support your nicotine-free expectations in their interactions with your child. Make the ask even easier by bringing a handout like this to refer to and leave with them. Building a village of support is so important to prevention, and can be especially crucial if you suspect your child may be using nicotine.
  • Support teens who want to quit nicotine without stigma or shame. If a teen you know wants to quit, they can get free, confidential support from a My Life My Quit coach at MO.MyLifeMyQuit.org. They can also text ‘Start My Quit’ to 36072. This local cessation resource sends them tips to help them quit nicotine for good.

The bottom line: No matter the device or method, nicotine is harmful for kids. Stay informed. Stay connected. Keep the conversation going. You’ve got this!

Parent Up KC

Discreet and Sweet: Steering Kids Clear of Fruity Nicotine Gum, Tablets, & Pouches

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There’s a new trend with teens, especially among those who have tried smoking or vaping: New fruity nicotine gums, tablets, pouches, and lozenges. Popular brands among teens include products from Zyn, Lucy, Rogue, Velo, Solace, On!, and Juice Head. These products may be small, but they pack an addictive nicotine punch. When powerful nicotine is mixed with fruity flavors, flashy marketing, and bright packaging, it’s no wonder kids fall prey.

Doesn’t this all sound familiar? Youth-friendly marketing and discreet delivery of highly concentrated nicotine is what landed the tobacco and vaping industry in hot water in the first place.

These fruity nicotine products are also very inexpensive compared to vaping products – generally under $6.00 – and teens see them as “less harmful” because they’re “tobacco-free.” These claims falsely imply these products are healthier and safer than vaping or smoking, when in reality the real threat to our youth is in the highly concentrated nicotine contained in these products.

Advertisements found on Amazon.com (https://www.amazon.com/Nicotine-Lozenges-Cleaner-Alternative-Convenient/dp/B093JNFHSR and https://www.amazon.com/Nicotine-Count-Citrus-Berry-Alternative/dp/B09XWVKJV4)

When it comes to teens, addiction experts and prevention researchers agree: 

“Exposure to nicotine can interfere with healthy brain development among teens, worsen mood disorders and mental health problems, and affect their ability to learn and pay attention…It also puts them at increased risk of addiction to other substances, as well as other products containing nicotine.”

Zyn advertisement found at https://uk.zyn.com/. Velo advertisement found on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsbCQST4qRM.
Rogue ad proudly displayed on designer's website at https://fisherdesign.com/project/rogue-brand-redesign/. Velo ad found on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/Zain9t0/posts/180953890401150).

Even though traditional gums and lozenges already exist to help adults quit smoking, these nicotine products seem to be targeting youth to get them hooked early.

Recent national surveys show that nicotine pouch use among high schoolers has nearly doubled in the last year, even as vaping has started to decline.

Many young pouch users are also vaping or smoking cigarettes at the same time, compounding their risks. Most report using flavored varieties like fruit, mint, or menthol — the same kinds of flavors that have long appealed to kids.

Comparison image made by KCadmin from images found online (Rogue website, Solace Facebook page, Lucy at Nicokick.com, Walmart website, Walgreens website).

 We know that most kids choose not to vape or smoke, and most will refuse products like these if they’re offered. We also know that adult support and conversations really help when the pressure mounts and the offer or curiousity for teens to “try it” is there.

As adults, we can help youth by:

  • Having conversations about our nicotine-free expectations early and often, including cigarettes, vaping, and these nicotine products.
  • Warning kids and teens of the risks of using nicotine while their brains are still developing, including harm to learning, memory, mood, and lifelong addiction (learn more on our Nicotine & Vaping page).
  • Helping them gain confidence by practicing saying “no” to their peers when offered a nicotine product.
  • Reminding our kids they can come to us for help with peer pressure, stress, or anxiety.
  • Supporting teens who want to quit vaping. If you know a teen who’s trying to quit, tell them they can connect to a My Life My Quit coach at MO.MyLifeMyQuit.org or text ‘Start My Quit’ to 36072. This local cessation resource sends them free, confidential support and tips to help them quit vaping for good.

By Parent Up KC Staff

Help Knock Out Teen Vaping For Good. Here’s How:

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As adults, helping our teens make good choices can sometimes feel like stepping into the boxing ring, facing off against the challenges that threaten their well-being. One challenge that has become more prominent in recent years is teen vaping. But just like a boxer, you can learn skills to help “knock out” teen vaping in just a few rounds.

🧠 Round 1: Knowledge is Power

In this round, you’ll rely on your knowledge of the risks of vaping during adolescence, including: 

We also need to be aware of the new nicotine products that are being marketed to teens so we can keep an eye out for their ever-changing new forms. Having an understanding of why teens vape also shows us where there are opportunities to help and support our teens. Some of these reasons include influence from peers, a misunderstanding of the harmful contents of the aerosol produced by vaping, and coping with stress or anxiety. Equipped with this knowledge, you’ll be better able to help your teen understand the risks of vaping and guide them toward safe choices.

🗨️ Round 2: Open & Honest Communication

Just like a boxer, teens need people in their corner who can provide strong support and guidance, and this starts with open and honest communication. Approach your teen with empathy and a willingness to listen, and know that you won’t always get everything across in one talk. Use these conversation goals to help guide you in your talks with your teen:

  • Make it clear that you don’t approve of them using any vaping products. Over 80% of 10-18 year olds say their parents are their biggest influence on their decision not to use substances.
  • Show teens you care about their health, safety, and success. Reinforce the reasons you expect your teen to stay vape-free – because you love them and want them to be happy, healthy, and safe. Explain to them that vaping is harmful to their developing brains and can lead to lifelong addiction.
  • Be curious and open-minded about their experiences. Ask them what they think, know, or have heard about vaping. Show them that you are a good source of information if they have questions. 
  • Keep the conversation going. Talk often with your teen about vaping. Take advantage of opportunities when watching movies, TV, and commercials together that feature vaping. Let them know that they can come to you for help with stress, anxiety, or peer pressure. 

🏆 Round 3: Strategize for Success

In boxing, strategizing for success means practicing and planning for what might happen in the ring. You can help your teen do the same by practicing and planning for the situations they might encounter in their day-to-day lives. Consider planning for things like:

  • Peer pressure. Practicing how to say “no” can help teens feel more confident and comfortable resisting if a friend or peer offers them a vape.
  • Daily stressors. Stress is a normal part of life, but teens need help learning how to manage it. Discuss what stressors might exist for your teen and brainstorm coping skills that can help them handle stress, such as spending time outside, getting adequate sleep, or positive self-talk. Be open to their suggestions and help them think through some ideas that will work for them.

➡️ Follow up often to see how these strategies for success are working, and help them adapt their plans as needed.

🥳Celebrate when you notice them putting these strategies into action! 

👩‍⚕️Round 4: Seek Professional Help

Boxers call on professionals to help them when needed, and you can too.

  • If you’re worried your teen might be vaping, the Partnership to End Addiction can help.

     

  • Support teens who want to quit vaping. If you know a teen who’s trying to quit, tell them they can connect to a My Life My Quit coach at MO.MyLifeMyQuit.org or text ‘Start My Quit’ to 36072. This local cessation resource sends them free, confidential support and tips to help them quit vaping for good.

     

  • If your child is vaping to cope with anxiety or depression, reach out to their primary care doctor or a mental health professional. 

By adopting a boxing mentality, we can get one step closer to knocking out teen vaping for good! 
For more resources and tips for keeping kids safe from teen vaping, visit our Vaping page here at ParentUpKC.com!

A Clear Message from Clay, Platte and Ray Prosecutors: “Don’t Provide Alcohol to Minors”

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As the school year wraps up and the summer season approaches, Parent Up is joining with local prosecutors and prevention coalitions to remind parents and caring adults of their crucial role in preventing underage drinking.

The overwhelming majority of youth are not engaging in substance use because the adults in their lives are protecting their health and safety.

Local prosecutors witness first-hand the tragic and avoidable harm caused by alcohol and drug misuse, and feel the negative consequences are even more significant when it happens among teens.

In response, our prosecuting attorneys in Clay, Platte, and Ray counties have partnered with Parent Up’s Parent are Rock Stars campaign and have issued letters to Northland parents and caregivers, reminding them that providing alcohol to anyone under the age of 21 is illegal—and encouraging them to talk to their children about remaining alcohol-free. This partnership aims to empower all Northland parents and caregivers to set firm boundaries, have clear conversations, and take action appropriate action if they learn of underage drinking. Read each county prosecutor’s letter below:

This partnership aims to empower all Northland parents and caregivers to set firm boundaries, have clear conversations, and take action appropriate action if they learn of underage drinking.

Parent Up is here to help as we navigate these discussions with our kids and fellow parents. We have age appropriate conversation guides, tips for navigating the prom and graduation season, and some creative ideas for you to take action if you know of adults who are providing alcohol to minors.

If you want to learn more about how you can help or need resources to talk to your child about alcohol, head on over to our Alcohol Page.

– Parent Up Staff

How to Keep Our Kids Merry and Bright Now and All Year Long

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It’s the holiday season and here at Parent Up, we are intentionally celebrating the joy, creativity, and resilience of area youth. We also celebrate YOU, the parents, guardians, and other caring adults who are following along, learning, listening, and taking action, even when it isn’t always easy.

With the threats of deadly fentanyl, new discreet nicotine products, and the now-more-available-than-ever potent-THC packed cannabis posing risks to young brains, Parent Up is rounding out the year with some encouragement and tried-and-true tips for keeping our kids merry and bright now and all year long:

  1. Set no-use expectations when it comes to vaping, alcohol, marijuana, and other substances.
    Teen substance use harms the developing brain and puts youth at higher risk for mental health problems and addiction throughout life. Let’s ensure kids know we care about their health and well-being, and that’s why we want them to stay drug-free. You can do this without threatening by saying something like, “I really care about your health and safety, and I don’t want you risking that by vaping or using marijuana. Your brain is not done growing so it’s even more important at this time in your life that you don’t use any drugs like alcohol, nicotine, unprescribed pills, or marijuana.” Or something like this, “Friends around you might tell you that drugs or alcohol help with that, but I really care about you and want you to not use alcohol, vapes, or any marijuana to protect you now and in the future.”

     

  2. Be curious and keep the dialogue about substances open.
     Ask kids what they think or have heard about alcohol, vaping, marijuana, and other drugs. Be curious and open-minded about their experiences. It’s more important – and effective– to listen and discuss rather than to lecture. Ask them questions about what they think about marijuana. Ask them what they know or what they’ve heard about vaping at school or from friends. Finding out what our teens know and think about substances first helps us know where to start our conversations. Use “teachable moments” to start conversations too. Use public service announcements, stories on the news, TV plot lines, pop culture or current issues at school or in the community to spur on your conversations.

    There’s an important second part to this advice: Let kids know they can come to you or other trusted adults for help with peer pressure, stress, or anxiety. Kids need to hear that their well-being is a priority and that they have options for relief other than taking matters into their own hands.

  3. Prepare kids for peer pressure.
    Help youth gain confidence to say “no” to alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs by practicing scenarios and brainstorming what they might say if they’re offered to them. “What do you do if you are in a social setting and you’re uncomfortable with what is happening?” Or ask, “What if someone is offering you something — what are you going to say?” Practice this with teens, even if they groan at you and don’t want to do it. Even if you don’t get them to say the words, if you can say the words and at least put them in their brain, they will be more likely to use that strategy when the moment comes. We also recommend teens memorize the phone numbers of two trusted adults so they always have someone to call to get out of an uncomfortable situation, even if their phone is dead.

  1. Watch for early signs or symptoms of substance use.
    As parents and caregivers, we know our kids best so if something seems off, we should take action. General early signs of substance use could include: Changes in appearance, changes in friend groups, grades dropping, and/or secretive behavior. Find more specific early warnings signs for underage drinking, marijuana use, teen vaping, and prescription drug misuse on our     Drug Topics page. If you need help for your child and are worried your child may be using alcohol or other drugs, the Partnership to End Addiction can help.

Our kids are more resilient and better off with your support! We wish you well this holiday season and into the new year.

 – The Parent Up KC Team

An Open Letter to My Son about Underage Drinking

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When my, now 25-year-old, son was entering 10th grade, I started getting a lot of questions from family and friends. They wondered how I was going to handle his inevitable experimentation with alcohol. When I expressed the idea that Tom might decide not to drink until he was 21, I was accused of living under a rock. It was just assumed that my son would drink, no matter what I thought or said. When the subject came up with other parents, a frequent response I got was, “I don’t want my kid to drink, but of course they will,” or “Kids will be kids.” And my personal favorite, “Well, we did it when we were their age.”

Really? Is this the criteria we are going to base our parenting on? I’ve always felt it’s my job as a parent to set the boundary and my kid’s job to test it. Because I’m a writer and blogger, I decided to write my feelings about this in a letter to my son. 

I wanted Tom to know where my husband and I stood on engaging in behaviors that are at best risky and at worst illegal or life-threatening. I joked that at least he could never say he didn’t know how I felt. I expected some people to disagree with me. I knew members in my own family, including my dad, did. But I never expected the letter would go viral, being shared hundreds of thousands of times. And that even ten years later, I would still on occasion be contacted about it.

Recently, Tom and I were discussing the fact that he chose not to drink until he turned 21. I never thought my letter was a real factor in his choice. I thought it had more to do with having friends that just weren’t into drinking. In fact, even though they are now over 21 and can legally drink, alcohol just isn’t a big part of their lives. 

So I was surprised when he said that the letter did play a part in his choice. Well, not the letter as much as what it represented. Tom knew exactly how we felt. We had many honest discussions about the dangers of drinking, especially the dangers of binge drinking. But the letter was a tangible reminder.

I want to be very clear, I don’t think I’m a good parent because my kid didn’t drink before he was 21. And I don’t think someone is a bad parent if their kid does choose to drink before the legal age. I do think our kids deserve a clear answer on how we feel about underage drinking. And if it’s a behavior we don’t want them to engage in, I think we should tell them. 

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tom,

The legal drinking age in this country is 21. Please know that dad and I will never allow you to have alcohol in our house or in our presence until you reach that age. Please also know that no good has ever come from a group of teenagers drinking. It’s a recipe for all kinds of disasters. If you should choose to drink, you’ll not only be breaking the rules of our house, you’ll be breaking the law. If you get stopped for driving under the influence, or the police get called to a party where you have been drinking, you may be in a position where we can’t protect you. 

Always call me and your dad. ALWAYS. No matter what you have done. Don’t ever follow up a bad choice with one that’s worse just because you’re afraid of disappointing us or making us angry. Will we be happy? Of course not. But we would much rather get you and any friend who wants to come with you home safely, than get a call saying you are NEVER coming home. 

Let me be clear that the fact that we love you and will stand by you does not in any way mean we will stand by while you do things that you know aren’t good for you. There are those who will tell you that your parents are being unreasonable and totally unrealistic. Some may tell you that you are a teenager and it’s a rite of passage to get drunk. They may even regale you with stories of their own youthful mistakes. 

Listen to your own heart and trust your gut. Also know there is nothing cool about waking up in your own vomit, or having a DUI before you are 18. Your father and I are so proud of the man you are becoming. We love you so much that we don’t care if you hate us. That’s our gift to you — we are your parents, not your friends. 

Always, Mom

________________________________________________________________________

Kathy Radigan is a midlife writer, blogger, disability advocate, wife to one and mom of three. She began her online life with her blog, My Dishwasher’s Possessed!, and her work has been featured in HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Yahoo, Her View From Home, TODAY Parents, Romper, and many other online publications. Her current project, The Forever Nest by Kathy Radigan, shares her experience as a parent to a daughter with high support needs.

Note: First published on May 1, 2021, this Insight has been updated by Parent Up staff for May 2024.

Deadly Pills in the Northland: Time to Take Action

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Law enforcement in our area are seeing deaths among Northland teens and young adults linked to pills that appear to be prescription pills or legitimate medicines. These illegal pills are laced with the deadly drug fentanyl and it’s impossible to tell which ones are counterfeit. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that is up to 50 times stronger than heroin and 100 times stronger than morphine. Just a few grains of sand worth of fentanyl can be fatal. These pills are being sold on the black market and there is no regulation of any kind. These teeny-tiny pills look harmless, but they’re far from it. They are here — in our Northland counties, neighborhoods and schools.

DEA lab tests reveal that 7 out of every 10 pills with fentanyl contain a potentially lethal dose.

Image Source: Kansas City Police Department

Before you think, “but not my child,” pause for a moment. The reasons teens might come across or seek out these pills are very real. Some teens seek help for sleep. Some think they will perform better in athletics or school. Some just want to take the edge off. Other teens seek out pills because they think it will help them with stress and pain. The anxiety and depression teens are feeling is tough. Some seek thrill and are willing to take the risk. They may think: “It’s medicine so it can’t be harmful, right?”  If our kids are not warned, they may think pills are the solution. Many of these deadly counterfeit pills are being sold over Snapchat and other apps popular with teens. To teens these are seemingly harmless transactions for a “pain pill” or something they believe to be Oxycodone, Percocet, Xanax or Adderall. But they could lead and have led to unimaginably tragic consequences.

Two milligrams of fentanyl, a lethal amount for most adults. (Photo from DEA.gov)

Local law enforcement has pulled together a drug task force to address supply and track down those that sell these incredibly dangerous pills. The DEA is working these cases too and urging the media to get the word out. Treatment agencies are overwhelmed with the severity and doing everything they can to provide the support to those who are struggling with addiction.

Just 2 milligrams of fentanyl is a lethal amount for most adults.

Two milligrams of fentanyl, a lethal amount for most adults. (Photo from DEA.gov)

Our goal at Parent Up is to support parents and guardians in their efforts to keep their kids from taking a fake or non-prescribed prescription pill or using other drugs.

Here are the tips we put out every 6 months or so, written by Kim Downs, a local parent and social worker. We love her take:

“As a parent, I urge you to take this growing issue seriously, and have specific conversations about it in your house. As a school social worker, I am hearing about this over and over. It is happening here and it is real.

Not sure what to say? Emphasize to your kids to never, ever take a pill from anyone or anywhere that isn’t prescribed to them by a doctor or out of its original container. Too many teens have the false perception that “medicine is safe, medicine can’t hurt me.” As caring adults, parents, and guardians, it falls to us to let our teens know the very real dangers of misusing prescription pills. Let your kids know where you stand. 

Let them know you will help them if they are seeking relief from anxiety or depression. Discuss the steps to legally and safely obtain appropriate medications from a doctor, if needed. Be firm that self-prescribing can be deadly, and that your child should never take any pills not prescribed to them by a doctor. Assure your child that their mental well-being is a priority and then make a plan to get help together. They need to hear from caring adults that they have options for relief other than taking matters into their own hands.

Practice what to say if they are offered something. These roleplays let your child know you support them and help give them confidence if a situation arises where they need to say “no.” You can also work with your teen to come up with a code word to text you if they feel like they need your help to get out of an unsafe situation.

They might groan at you. Have these conversations anyway.”

Kim Downs, local parent and social worker

Song for Charlie is a family-run nonprofit charity dedicated to raising awareness about ‘fentapills’ — fake pills made of fentanyl that are poisoning our teens.

SongforCharlie.org recommends you say this to your teen:
“You have to assume that any “prescription” pill you buy outside of normal channels is fake, and very possibly deadly. NO RANDOM PILLS!” (They made this short video that you can use in your discussion with your teen.)

Image source: Song For Charlie (songforcharlie.org)

Download and share Parent Up’s one page fentanyl handout to keep our teens safe!

Download and share our one page handout for parents of younger children to keep them safe now and in the future!

Here’s some other resources we think are really helpful too: 

Thank you for taking action today. Give this article a share and help protect area kids.

– The Parent Up Team

Note: This post was originally published on November 18, 2021, but has been updated several times since to reflect more recent local conditions and resources.

Legal Weed is Now in Missouri – Here’s How You Can Help Ensure Kids Stay Drug-Free

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With legal marijuana now being sold and marketed in our community, it’s more important than ever that we protect youth from early experimentation. The adolescent brain is unique, growing, and changing daily, and it’s these conditions that allow addiction to set in much more quickly in teens than adults. Also adding to the dangers are high potency marijuana and products like edibles and vapes. The average THC content (the substance that gets you high) in marijuana today has skyrocketed since the 60s, making it stronger and more likely to jumpstart addiction in our vulnerable teens. When the risks of increased access to THC-packed edibles, gummies, and vape cartridges are added to the mix, it’s a recipe for addiction.

The good news is that marijuana rates among youth in the Northland are currently low and we can help keep it that way:

  • Make sure kids in your life know you care about their mental health and well-being. That’s why you don’t want them to use marijuana or any other substances! Set clear expectations that they will stay marijuana-free.

  • Ensure any cannabis products are not accessible to youth.  

  • Help youth gain the confidence to say “no” to marijuana by practicing scenarios and brainstorming what they might say if they are offered marijuana. Prepare your kids for peer pressure and let them know they can come to you for help.

  • Watch for any early signs or symptoms of marijuana use. Be on alert for changes in behaviors, friend groups, or attitudes. Some warning signs include: Glassy, red eyes, slurred speech, dry mouth, a “skunky” smell, anxiety, a drop in grades, quitting activities, and difficulty thinking and problem solving.

Most addiction starts in adolescence: 90% of adults in the U.S. with a drug addiction starting using before age 18, making this the most important time to prevent experimentation with drugs. As adults, we have the power to help protect our kids and prevent addiction, and Parent Up is here to help! Check out all of our marijuana-specific resources here!

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