Raising Tweens – Page 3

Drawing Boundaries for Safe, Healthy Kids

May 8, 2024March 1, 2021 by KCadmin

Diane Pickert is a Community Prevention Specialist at Tri-County Mental Health Services in Kansas City, MO. Her background education is in Early Childhood Development, Communication, and Religious Education. She’s finishing her Masters at the moment from Maryvale Institute in Birmingham, England. Diane’s focus has always been on the connection between faith, family and raising healthy children.

My 3 year-old grandson Ambrose drew a mural with markers, not once, but twice on walls in their family home. First, all over the dining room wall and a year later, all over the upstairs hallway. Needless to say, my daughter and her husband have had to set some boundaries with markers.

It is normal in development for children in their early years to push their limits, which is why it is important to start setting boundaries young. By setting these boundaries and establishing consequences, it helps children develop self-control, supports development, and fosters a moral compass.

Here are some reasons kids and teens need boundaries:

Boundaries teach self-discipline
Boundaries keep our children safe and healthy
Boundaries teach children how to socialize
Boundaries teach children how to cope with uncomfortable feelings
Boundaries encourage good behavior and good citizenship as they grow older
Boundaries are reassuring and actually show children you care about them

In adolescence, kids start testing limits with relationships and their bodies. The emotional center of the adolescent brain is hyper-sensitive to risk and reward and it often overrides the underdeveloped front of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) where complex thought and decision making happens. Adolescents are more likely to try things like drinking alcohol, vaping, or driving at dangerous speeds, leaving parents reminiscing of the days of coloring on the walls!

Setting boundaries helps the adolescent brain create pathways as your child grows up. It shows kids you care about their health and development and makes them feel safe. Setting firm boundaries and having regular conversations with your children will help them become responsible for their own actions, attitudes and emotions. Maintaining these boundaries will instill character in your children which will encourage them to lead a balanced, and resilient life well into their adult years. And if your child is anything like my grandson, they will probably “color on the walls” more than once. That’s ok and it doesn’t mean that your boundaries aren’t worth it. Boundaries need to be defined more than once for adolescents.

I’m sure as Ambrose continues to grow older he will need more boundaries set for different reasons. His parents will have many conversations with him, not because they want to stifle his curiosity or creativity, but because they simply love him and want him to be safe. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your kids and teens. It enhances their ability to cope with life’s disappointments (without drugs like nicotine and marijuana) and helps them gain a sense of control. Make sure you have regular conversations with your children and, most importantly, love them even in the midst of their mistakes.

The Magic of Family Meals

May 8, 2024February 2, 2021 by KCadmin

How has family meal time changed for you this year? Has your family had to adapt to new school and work schedules, making it harder to fit in meal time together? Or has your family had more at-home meals than ever? Are you officially tired of cooking, or maybe you or have developed a surprising love for trying new recipes? Has it been awhile since you’ve had the opportunity to eat a restaurant meal? Or maybe you’ve been able to try some new restaurants with carry-out and delivery options this year?

We’ve almost been in a pandemic for a year now, so no doubt your family’s meal patterns have changed from what they were last year at this time. No matter what situation your family finds itself in right now, here at Parent Up we want to encourage you to keep family meals together a high priority. As parents, a lot is thrown at us about what we should or shouldn’t do to help our kids. Some of this advice seems achievable, and some of it can seem overwhelming. The thing with family meals is this: a relatively low time commitment can lead to great long-term benefits for your children and your family.

Research points to family meals as helping to increase children’s academic performance, literacy, and connection to family, while decreasing the risk of depression, substance use, and obesity. Family meals have been researched for many years now and the outcome is clear: Family meals make a positive difference. If you are already having family meals most days, great job! If not, think about how many times your family currently sits down together for a meal per week. How can you slowly improve on this? Make it simple for yourself and give yourself grace as you incorporate more family meals into your routine. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Keep it simple. Things are busy, and some nights following a recipe just isn’t happening. Planning ahead of time helps a lot, but if you haven’t planned ahead and find yourself stressing over a meal, give yourself permission to do something simple. Open a couple cans of soup, make a plate of cheese and crackers and lunchmeat, fix some boxed mac and cheese or a simple sandwich. Having good nutritious meals is great of course, but don’t miss out on the benefits of family meals just because you don’t have the ingredients or motivation to cook a big meal. We’ve all been there! Even a simple meal together can provide the benefits of family connection.

2. It doesn’t have to be “dinner.” If your family’s schedule works out better to have breakfast together some days, or an after-school snack at the table, or even a late night dessert together on a weekend, then make that your priority! Think about what works for your family, set your goals, and take some little steps to make it happen!

3. Work towards limited distractions at mealtimes. Put away the phones in a special bowl or make an “unplugged box” that you keep away from the table and turn off the tv. This allows for each family member to listen to one another and build a conversation without competing with electronics for attention.

4. Encourage kids to participate in meal preparation and conversation. When they participate in making the meal, kids build responsibility and feel more connected. To help kids with conversation, have them come up with questions that they want to ask parents or find some simple table-time questions and ideas to get started.

Make 2021 the year where family meals rise in your priority list. Visit ParentUpKC.com/Meaningful-Meals, where you can find more information on this topic, as well as simple recipes and table talk ideas. Parents, you’ve got this!

By Parent Up KC Staff

What We Want Every Parent to Know

May 8, 2024November 23, 2020 by KCadmin

There’s yard signs, news headlines, and lawsuits buzzing around us. No, we are not talking about the election. We’re talking about medical marijuana. In 2018, Missouri voters approved a constitutional amendment to allow medical marijuana to be grown, manufactured, dispensed, and used in Missouri. You will soon (if you haven’t yet) start to notice this new industry pop up in various ways in our communities. While there’s plenty we could talk about related to medical marijuana, our goals at Parent Up are specific: Empower and equip parents to protect their kids from early engagement in all substance use. With this in mind, here is what we want every parent to know to help keep their kids and teens safe:

Many in the local medical marijuana industry, health experts, and addiction researchers agree: No amount of marijuana for youth is safe. Marijuana is dangerous for young, developing brains and the earlier someone starts to use marijuana, the greater their chance of becoming dependent on it. The average potency of THC in the marijuana sold today is higher than ever before and science is just starting to measure the impact. While every brain and body is impacted differently, we do know that adolescents are more vulnerable to the negative impacts of marijuana use. If teens use marijuana, their risk of addiction, mental health problems, impaired driving, and problems with thinking, memory, learning and coordination increase.
Medical marijuana, is still marijuana. It is now legal for individuals and businesses who qualify to grow, manufacture, recommend, sell, market, smoke, vape, consume, and use marijuana. Medical marijuana will come in a lot of different products (edibles, candies, concentrates, buds, waxes, cartridges for vapes, and more) at various unregulated potencies. With increased availability of THC-packed marijuana, we need to do everything we can to ensure this substance is not diverted to youth.

Now’s the time to take action to protect your kids and other young people from any early use of any marijuana: Learn more about the vulnerable adolescent brain so you are energized to protect it. Communicate a strong stance against all youth substance use, including marijuana. Keep marijuana out of reach of youth, and watch for any early warning signs of use or risk factors.

As more marijuana comes to our communities, Parent Up is here to help. Throughout our resources, you can read more about the impact of marijuana on youth, learn what to say (or not to say) to your teen, take action if you know adults who provide marijuana, and like and share our messages on Facebook. Worried your child may be using marijuana or other drugs? The Partnership to End Addiction can help. Thanks for doing all you can to protect the health and safety of your kids!

From, Your Parent Up KC Staff

High-Performing Kids and Mental Wellness: The Tightrope Walk

May 8, 2024October 23, 2020 by KCadmin

We humans are good at finding patterns. This evolutionary benefit has kept us alive longer than the dinosaurs, but it’s not foolproof. Sometimes, these patterns can steer us wrong. As parents, what we perceive to be good and healthy for our kids, might not be the reality. The team captain with straight-As could have an eating disorder. The class president with multiple scholarship offers might be questioning their sexuality. When it comes to identifying how well our kids are managing stress and dealing with substance use, sometimes we miss what is right in front of us.

Teens face an ever-creeping, constant pressure that the decisions they make in high school actively determine their path in life. Their problems might look small to adults, but from where they stand, the difference between low and high performance feels as if it could set them on an entirely different trajectory. The stress and anxiety teens feel about their future takes a toll on their minds and bodies.

How do we take some of the weight off the shoulders of high-performing teens?

Teens learn resilience when faced with difficult situations. In order to build this skill, teens need positive stress in their lives. For most youth, the stress of good grades and high performance as an athlete or musician is exactly the sort of positive stress that teaches effort, focus, determination, and teamwork. Stress becomes toxic when it is ongoing and without buffering. Adults act as buffers by being supportive, responsive, and caring to teens experiencing stressful circumstances. Ask yourself, why is your child’s high performance so important? Is it so they win or are the very best? Or is the priority that they develop esteem, work ethic, and resilience?

When walking the tightrope of encouraging high performance and supporting youth and their mental wellness, remember that most lessons are learned in the losses. We can hold teens to high standards all while demonstrating we care for them when they fall short of their goals.

5 Things You Can Do:

Talk to your teen about what is causing them stress. Let them know they can always come to you if things are feeling unmanageable to work through problems together.
Demonstrate your support and care when they fall short of their goals. Acknowledge both their hard work and their ability to do better next time.
Let teens foster an identity outside of performance. Praise them when they make an insightful comment, do something kind for another person, or creatively solve a problem on their own. Celebrate their effort, not just the outcome.

Examples of Buffering

A high performing teen is feeling daily pressure from a parent to excel in school and sports, from a coach to lead the team every game, from a teacher to score the highest on the test, and from social media to look a certain way.

Parent: “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. This has been a really challenging month. What are some ways I can support you?”

Coach: “That was a tough loss. You showed some real grit in that game. You never gave up.”

Teacher: “I noticed you’ve been tired in class this week. Are you doing ok? I’m here to talk if you need some help.”

Set boundaries. Work with your teen to mutually prioritize habits that feed their physical and mental health. How much sleep is right for them? How is social media impacting their mental wellness?
Check out the Developmental Assets® Framework. Learn about the ways you can support, empower, set boundaries and expectations, encourage constructive use of time, while fostering your teens’ commitment to learning, positive values, social competencies, and positive identity.

Kat Barrow is a Community Prevention Specialist at Tri-County Mental Health Services in Kansas City, MO. She earned her Masters of Public Health from the University of Nebraska Medical Center. Kat is passionate about creative, inclusive approaches to improving community health and wellness.

6 Warning Signs Your Child Has Been Vaping

May 8, 2024December 3, 2019 by KCadmin

Vaping –or the use of e-cigarettes– is a dangerous trend that has been rising in popularity among youth. In fact, a 2019 report by the Center for Disease Control shows that the number of middle and high school students using e-cigarettes rose from 3.6 million in 2018 to a whopping 5.3 million in 2019.

6 Warning Signs To Look Out For

As a parent, here are a few warning signs that might indicate that your child has been vaping:

1) Unfamiliar tech-looking devices

E-cigarette devices contain parts and cartridges that need to be exchanged and replaced. These parts may appear to look like USB drives or battery chargers.

2) Pleasant smell

What can make vaping more appealing to youth than traditional cigarettes are the sweet flavors available. If you catch faint aromas of bubble gum or watermelon, it might be a sign that someone is vaping nearby.

3) Increased secrecy and mood behaviors

Mood changes and feelings of irritability and anxiety may be signs of nicotine withdrawal. If you notice your child acting more irritable than usual, as well as being secretive and unwilling to answer questions, it may be another sign that your child has been vaping.

4) Increased thirst or nose bleeds

Vaping removes hydration from the skin of the mouth and throat, leaving a dry, flat palate. If you see your child increasing their liquid consumption (and urinating more), this may be a sign of vaping. Similarly to how it dries the mouth, vaping also dries the skin of the nose too. When the nose is too dry, it can bleed, which might be another clue.

5) Decreased caffeine use

The combination of vaping nicotine and drinking caffeine can cause anxiety and severe mood swings. Many vape users will decrease their caffeine intake to avoid these side effects.

6) Unfamiliar online purchases or packages

Vapes and e-juices are available for purchase online, so if there are unfamiliar charges on a card or odd-looking packages coming to your home, it’s time to ask questions.

Talking Points

It’s important to note that while these may be indicators of vaping, they aren’t sure-fire indicators that your child has been using an e-cigarette. That’s why it’s important not to jump to conclusions, but rather to approach a conversation with your child with an open mind.

Here are some quick tips for discussing vaping with your child:

Start the conversation sooner than later– The discussion on vaping with your child will likely be ongoing so start the dialogue early on
Avoid criticism and encourage your child to be open with you– Listen to your child to understand their perspective things and invite them to ask questions
Help them understand why vaping is harmful– Use facts to stress the seriousness of vaping
Teach them to say no– Identify possible scenarios where your child may be offered e-cigarettes, then help them practice how to respond

At Parent Up, it’s our mission to equip parents with online tools and resources to help prevent substance abuse of any kind by youth.