Setting Boundaries & Expectations

A Letter to the Parents of Our 2023 High School Graduates

May 8, 2024May 5, 2023 by KCadmin

Dear Parents and Guardians,

Graduation is upon us and it’s time to celebrate your child’s accomplishments and achievements! As you prepare to launch your child into adulthood, keep in mind that most kids value their parent’s advice when it comes to drugs and alcohol.

Parent Up is here with some reminders and action steps about how you can protect their celebration and their future:

Communicate with your teen that alcohol is bad for their brain and they should not drink before age 21. Drinking by those below the age of 21 is strongly linked with increased risk for alcohol dependence later in life because the brain is still developing until the mid-twenties. Minors who drink are also more likely to use other drugs, have poorer academic performance, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and be injured or assaulted. Tell your child you don’t want them to risk their future, reputation, or safety, and you expect them to remain alcohol-free.

Create a game plan with your child so if they are offered alcohol, they know what to do. For example, help brainstorm excuses for saying no or develop a code word that your child can text you to let you know they are in a situation where they feel unsafe.

Stick with the majority of Northland parents that don’t provide alcohol or allow their child to drink, even on special occasions like graduation! Research shows that when parents allow, provide, or supervise teen drinking, it sends a false message that alcohol is safe for their underdeveloped brain.

By working together with your teen, expressing your concern for their health and safety, and setting clear and consistent expectations, you can ensure that this celebration is a positive memory they’ll have forever. Congratulations to all the graduates of the class of 2023!

Best regards,
Parent Up KC

The Parent Up campaign empowers and equips KC Northland parents to care, connect, communicate, and pay careful attention to their child in order to prevent teen substance use. Follow us on Facebook @ParentUp.

Underage Drinking: It’s on Us to Protect Kids

May 8, 2024June 14, 2022 by KCadmin

by Parent Up Staff

As adults we have the opportunity, and the obligation, to do everything we can to make sure our young people have healthy and bright futures. Adults working together can support policies, attitudes, and actions that prevent underage drinking and help youth thrive. Read on to see how you can help:

Why should we care about preventing underage drinking?

The teen years are a sensitive time for brain development and underage drinking only adds fuel to the fire. The years between childhood and adulthood aren’t the easiest and youth need help from adults along the way. Underage drinking and teen drug use can negatively affect young people’s school performance, future job prospects, and physical and mental health, damaging their lives well into adulthood. 90% of adults with substance use disorders started using alcohol or other drugs in their teen years, so it’s important to take early and ongoing action.

What impacts a teen’s likelihood to drink alcohol?

While kids are the ones who take the drink, there are a lot of factors outside the teen that lead to this decision. When alcohol is more available, youth are more likely to drink. Also, when teens think it is “ok” or “cool,” or the adults around them allow minors to drink, they are more likely to drink alcohol. Finally, when teens think they are safe from any harm, like legal trouble, we see rates of teen drinking increase. Each of these factors can be addressed at a community level and Parent Up asks for all adults to help protect our youth.

What steps can adults take to help reduce underage drinking in our community?

Adults can help reduce the number of teens drinking by:

Refusing to provide alcohol to minors—even during special occasions. When adults refuse, fewer kids use.
Letting the youth in your life know you care about their mental well-being. If they’re feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, or bored, adults can help find healthy solutions for relief rather than them turning to alcohol or other drugs.
Setting clear, no alcohol use expectations with the kids in your life. When adults set boundaries and stand firm, kids feel safe and know what to do when peer pressure mounts.
Making a game plan with the teens in your life before they go out or spend time with friends, so they know what is expected and how to refuse if alcohol is offered.

At Parent Up, our hope is to help equip parents and other caring adults with tools and resources to help prevent substance use of any kind by youth. Thank you for caring and thanks for taking action to help! For more tips, tools, and resources on youth alcohol use or preventing any drug use with our teens, feel free to explore around ParentUpKC.com!

Drawing Boundaries for Safe, Healthy Kids

May 8, 2024March 1, 2021 by KCadmin

Diane Pickert is a Community Prevention Specialist at Tri-County Mental Health Services in Kansas City, MO. Her background education is in Early Childhood Development, Communication, and Religious Education. She’s finishing her Masters at the moment from Maryvale Institute in Birmingham, England. Diane’s focus has always been on the connection between faith, family and raising healthy children.

My 3 year-old grandson Ambrose drew a mural with markers, not once, but twice on walls in their family home. First, all over the dining room wall and a year later, all over the upstairs hallway. Needless to say, my daughter and her husband have had to set some boundaries with markers.

It is normal in development for children in their early years to push their limits, which is why it is important to start setting boundaries young. By setting these boundaries and establishing consequences, it helps children develop self-control, supports development, and fosters a moral compass.

Here are some reasons kids and teens need boundaries:

Boundaries teach self-discipline
Boundaries keep our children safe and healthy
Boundaries teach children how to socialize
Boundaries teach children how to cope with uncomfortable feelings
Boundaries encourage good behavior and good citizenship as they grow older
Boundaries are reassuring and actually show children you care about them

In adolescence, kids start testing limits with relationships and their bodies. The emotional center of the adolescent brain is hyper-sensitive to risk and reward and it often overrides the underdeveloped front of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) where complex thought and decision making happens. Adolescents are more likely to try things like drinking alcohol, vaping, or driving at dangerous speeds, leaving parents reminiscing of the days of coloring on the walls!

Setting boundaries helps the adolescent brain create pathways as your child grows up. It shows kids you care about their health and development and makes them feel safe. Setting firm boundaries and having regular conversations with your children will help them become responsible for their own actions, attitudes and emotions. Maintaining these boundaries will instill character in your children which will encourage them to lead a balanced, and resilient life well into their adult years. And if your child is anything like my grandson, they will probably “color on the walls” more than once. That’s ok and it doesn’t mean that your boundaries aren’t worth it. Boundaries need to be defined more than once for adolescents.

I’m sure as Ambrose continues to grow older he will need more boundaries set for different reasons. His parents will have many conversations with him, not because they want to stifle his curiosity or creativity, but because they simply love him and want him to be safe. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your kids and teens. It enhances their ability to cope with life’s disappointments (without drugs like nicotine and marijuana) and helps them gain a sense of control. Make sure you have regular conversations with your children and, most importantly, love them even in the midst of their mistakes.