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We Can Knock Out Teen Vaping For Good. Here’s How.

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As adults, helping our teens make good choices can sometimes feel like stepping into the boxing ring, facing off against the challenges that threaten their well-being. One challenge that has become more prominent in recent years is teen vaping. But just like a boxer, you can learn skills to help “knock out” teen vaping in just a few rounds.

Round 1: Knowledge is Power

In this round, you’ll rely on your knowledge of the risks of vaping during adolescence, including: 

We also need to be aware of the new nicotine products that are being marketed to teens so we can keep an eye out for their ever-changing new forms. Having an understanding of why teens vape also shows us where there are opportunities to help and support our teens. Some of these reasons include influence from peers, a misunderstanding of the harmful contents of the aerosol produced by vaping, and coping with stress or anxiety. Equipped with this knowledge, you’ll be better able to help your teen understand the risks of vaping and guide them toward safe choices.

Round 2: Open & Honest Communication

Just like a boxer, teens need people in their corner who can provide strong support and guidance, and this starts with open and honest communication. Approach your teen with empathy and a willingness to listen, and know that you won’t always get everything across in one talk. Use these conversation goals to help guide you in your talks with your teen:

  • Make it clear that you don’t approve of them using any vaping products. Over 80% of 10-18 year olds say their parents are their biggest influence on their decision not to use substances.
  • Show teens you care about their health, safety, and success. Reinforce the reasons you expect your teen to stay vape-free – because you love them and want them to be happy, healthy, and safe. Explain to them that vaping is harmful to their developing brains and can lead to lifelong addiction.
  • Be curious and open-minded about their experiences. Ask them what they think, know, or have heard about vaping. Show them that you are a good source of information if they have questions. 
  • Keep the conversation going. Talk often with your teen about vaping. Take advantage of opportunities when watching movies, TV, and commercials together that feature vaping. Let them know that they can come to you for help with stress, anxiety, or peer pressure. 

Round 3: Strategize for Success

In boxing, strategizing for success means practicing and planning for what might happen in the ring. You can help your teen do the same by practicing and planning for the situations they might encounter in their day-to-day lives. Consider planning for things like:

  • Peer pressure. Practicing how to say “no” can help teens feel more confident and comfortable resisting if a friend or peer offers them a vape.

  • Daily stressors. Stress is a normal part of life, but teens need help learning how to manage it. Discuss what stressors might exist for your teen and brainstorm coping skills that can help them handle stress, such as spending time outside, getting adequate sleep, or positive self-talk. Be open to their suggestions and help them think through some ideas that will work for them.

Follow up often to see how these strategies for success are working, and help them adapt their plans as needed. Celebrate when you notice them putting these strategies into action! 

Round 4: Seek Professional Help

Boxers call on professionals to help them when needed, and you can too. If you’re worried your teen might be vaping, the Partnership to End Addiction can help. There are also teen cessation resources available from The Truth Initiative’s This is Quitting program. Teens can text “BREAKFREE” to 88709 for free, confidential tips and quitting advice delivered straight to their phone to help them quit vaping. If your child is vaping to cope with anxiety or depression, reach out to their primary care doctor or a mental health professional. 

By adopting a boxing mentality, we can get one step closer to knocking out teen vaping for good! For more resources and tips for keeping kids safe from teen vaping, visit our Vaping page here at ParentUpKC.com!

Deadly Pills in the Northland: Time to Take Action

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Law enforcement in our area are seeing deaths among Northland teens and young adults linked to pills that appear to be prescription pills or legitimate medicines. These illegal pills are laced with the deadly drug fentanyl and it’s impossible to tell which ones are counterfeit. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that is up to 50 times stronger than heroin and 100 times stronger than morphine. Just a few grains of sand worth of fentanyl can be fatal. These pills are being sold on the black market and there is no regulation of any kind. These teeny-tiny pills look harmless, but they’re far from it. They are here — in our Northland counties, neighborhoods and schools.

DEA lab tests reveal that 6 out of every 10 pills with fentanyl contain a potentially lethal dose.

Image Source: Kansas City Police Department

Before you think, “but not my child,” pause for a moment. The reasons teens might come across or seek out these pills are very real. Some teens seek help for sleep. Some think they will perform better in athletics or school. Some just want to take the edge off. Other teens seek out pills because they think it will help them with stress and pain. The anxiety and depression teens are feeling is tough. Some seek thrill and are willing to take the risk. They may think: “It’s medicine so it can’t be harmful, right?”  If our kids are not warned, they may think pills are the solution. Many of these deadly counterfeit pills are being sold over Snapchat and other apps popular with teens. To teens these are seemingly harmless transactions for a “pain pill” or something they believe to be Oxycodone, Percocet, Xanax or Adderall. But they could lead and have led to unimaginably tragic consequences.

Two milligrams of fentanyl, a lethal amount for most adults. (Photo from DEA.gov)

Local law enforcement has pulled together a drug task force to address supply and track down those that sell these incredibly dangerous pills. The DEA is working these cases too and urging the media to get the word out. Treatment agencies are overwhelmed with the severity and doing everything they can to provide the support to those who are struggling with addiction.

Just 2 milligrams of fentanyl is a lethal amount for most adults.

Two milligrams of fentanyl, a lethal amount for most adults. (Photo from DEA.gov)

Our goal at Parent Up is to support parents and guardians in their efforts to keep their kids from taking a fake or non-prescribed prescription pill or using other drugs.

Here are the tips we put out every 6 months or so, written by Kim Downs, a local parent and social worker. We love her take:

“As a parent, I urge you to take this growing issue seriously, and have specific conversations about it in your house. As a school social worker, I am hearing about this over and over. It is happening here and it is real.

Not sure what to say? Emphasize to your kids to never, ever take a pill from anyone or anywhere that isn’t prescribed to them by a doctor or out of its original container. Too many teens have the false perception that “medicine is safe, medicine can’t hurt me.” As caring adults, parents, and guardians, it falls to us to let our teens know the very real dangers of misusing prescription pills. Let your kids know where you stand. 

Let them know you will help them if they are seeking relief from anxiety or depression. Discuss the steps to legally and safely obtain appropriate medications from a doctor, if needed. Be firm that self-prescribing can be deadly, and that your child should never take any pills not prescribed to them by a doctor. Assure your child that their mental well-being is a priority and then make a plan to get help together. They need to hear from caring adults that they have options for relief other than taking matters into their own hands.

Practice what to say if they are offered something. These roleplays let your child know you support them and help give them confidence if a situation arises where they need to say “no.” You can also work with your teen to come up with a code word to text you if they feel like they need your help to get out of an unsafe situation.

They might groan at you. Have these conversations anyway.”

Kim Downs, local parent and social worker

Song for Charlie is a family-run nonprofit charity dedicated to raising awareness about ‘fentapills’ — fake pills made of fentanyl that are poisoning our teens.

SongforCharlie.org recommends you say this to your teen:
“You have to assume that any “prescription” pill you buy outside of normal channels is fake, and very possibly deadly. NO RANDOM PILLS!” (They made this short video that you can use in your discussion with your teen.)

Image source: Song For Charlie (songforcharlie.org)

Download and share Parent Up’s one page fentanyl handout to keep our teens safe!

Download and share our one page handout for parents of younger children and keeping them safe!

Here’s some other resources we think are really helpful too: 

Thank you for taking action today. Give this article a share and help protect area kids.

– The Parent Up Team

Note: This post was originally published on November 18, 2021, but has been updated several times since to reflect more recent local conditions and resources.

A Letter to the Parents of Our 2023 High School Graduates

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Dear Parents and Guardians,

Graduation is upon us and it’s time to celebrate your child’s accomplishments and achievements! As you prepare to launch your child into adulthood, keep in mind that most kids value their parent’s advice when it comes to drugs and alcohol.

Parent Up is here with some reminders and action steps about how you can protect their celebration and their future:

  • Communicate with your teen that alcohol is bad for their brain and they should not drink before age 21. Drinking by those below the age of 21 is strongly linked with increased risk for alcohol dependence later in life because the brain is still developing until the mid-twenties. Minors who drink are also more likely to use other drugs, have poorer academic performance, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and be injured or assaulted. Tell your child you don’t want them to risk their future, reputation, or safety, and you expect them to remain alcohol-free.
  • Create a game plan with your child so if they are offered alcohol, they know what to do. For example, help brainstorm excuses for saying no or develop a code word that your child can text you to let you know they are in a situation where they feel unsafe.
  • Stick with the majority of Northland parents that don’t provide alcohol or allow their child to drink, even on special occasions like graduation! Research shows that when parents allow, provide, or supervise teen drinking, it sends a false message that alcohol is safe for their underdeveloped brain.

By working together with your teen, expressing your concern for their health and safety, and setting clear and consistent expectations, you can ensure that this celebration is a positive memory they’ll have forever. Congratulations to all the graduates of the class of 2023!

Best regards,
Parent Up KC

The Parent Up campaign empowers and equips KC Northland parents to care, connect, communicate, and pay careful attention to their child in order to prevent teen substance use. Follow us on Facebook @ParentUp.

Making the Most of Dinners with Your Teen

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Dr. Anne Fishel is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at the Harvard Medical School and the Director of the Family and Couples Therapy Program at Massachusetts General Hospital. She is the executive director and co-founder of The Family Dinner Project, a non-profit initiative based at Massachusetts General Hospital, that helps families online and in communities to have better and more frequent family dinners. She has lectured to parents, teachers, and health professionals about the benefits of family meals and written numerous articles about family issues for NPR, The Washington Post, Psychology Today, The Los Angeles Times, PBS, and others.
Her book about family dinners, Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun and Conversation for Happier Families and Healthier Kids, is available through Amazon. She is a co-author with The Family Dinner Project team of Eat, Laugh, Talk: The Family Dinner Playbook. This insight was originally written by Dr. Fishel for Parent Up in February 2022 and has been reposted.

Of any age group, teens may have the most to gain from eating dinner with their families. Numerous studies over the last 25 years reveal that dinners can protect teens from engaging in a host of risky behaviors: smoking, drinking, getting pregnant, developing an eating disorder, and using drugs. Teens who dine with their families also report experiencing less overall stress, feeling more known by their parents, and having better relationships with them (CASA, 2012).

Why do family dinners offer such benefits? The simplest answer is that dinner is a reliable occasion for teens to feel connected to their parents. It is this connection that provides the real seat belt on the potholed road of adolescence.

Dinnertime also creates the opportunity for parents to check in and monitor their teens’ behavior without putting their kids on the hot seat. Instead, questions about their day are softened by answering while enjoying a delicious meal, and by hearing about everyone else’s funny tales of the day.

The really good news is that when teenagers are asked to list the activities they most enjoy, family dinner is consistently ranked high on that list.

That said, teens can be sulky, irritable, prickly and challenging, and may not make the easiest dinner companions. Not only that, but their schedules may seem too busy to fit in regular dinners, what with sports practices, after school jobs, hours of homework, and heavy social media upkeep.

So, how can parents make dinner compelling for adolescents, and enjoyable for everyone else in the family? Showing up at the dinner table with certain parental attitudes may help: showing interest in your kids’ new discoveries (e.g. music, friends, favorite athletes, video games, etc.) without judging them; tolerating strong expressions of feelings; and talking in a more honest and self-disclosing way about your own lives, if these disclosures are relevant to your kids’ struggles.

Adolescence is also a time when kids are figuring out who they are and how they want to be similar to and different from their parents, and they have the brainpower now to engage in philosophical and abstract thought.  It is no wonder, then, that this is a time when kids may declare that they have food preferences that differ from their parents. Consider the New Yorker cartoon of two teenage girls talking. One says to the other: “I started to be a vegetarian for health reasons, now it’s just to annoy!” But this kind of questioning of parental values can also lead to rich conversations about things that matter.

How to Keep Dinner as Lively as Your Teenagers

  • Agree that dinner will be off limits for discussing conflicts—no talk about homework, or whose turn it is to take out the trash, or a recent “D” on a math quiz, or how late the curfew should be on Friday night.
  • If possible, parents as well as teens should make dinner a technology-free zone. If this isn’t possible, then negotiate rules that everyone can agree to, such as: ‘We’ll only use our phones to resolve factual disagreements that come up at dinner’ or will only use it to play a game like Selfie Hot Potato.
  • If scheduling conflicts interfere with nightly dinners, consider having a healthy after-dinner, take-a-break-from-homework snack. This might be frozen yogurt with berries, a bowl of soup, or cheese and crackers.
  • Initiate conversations about subjects that matter to you and to your children. Did you read an article in the newspaper today that confused, upset, or delighted you? Talk about it and ask for your kids’ reactions. Check out our Conversation of the Week blog for more ideas.
  • Offer to make a new meal, based on your teen’s interests—if they are studying Chinese history or Indian literature, check out www.epicurious.com and search for recipes by country. Even better, make that new meal with your child so that they can teach you something about another culture they know more about than you do.
  • Invite your kid to make a course or part of the meal, particularly something fairly quick (but special and dramatic) that will elicit “oohs” and “ah”s from the rest of the family. Popovers, fruit smoothies, or a vegetable or fruit no one has ever tried before (anyone for dragon fruit?) all do the trick.
  • Speak about your own experiences of the day in a way that is honest and self-disclosing, perhaps revealing something that was embarrassing or challenging. Or, repeat a joke that you heard at work.
  • Ask your teen to choose music for you to listen to during dinner. On other nights, you might play your own music, or play the music that you listened to when you were your child’s age. Both will give you something to talk about that may be of great interest to your teen.
  • Since adolescence is a time of increased exploration, buy cookbooks when you travel to new places, ask for recipes at restaurants, or from the parents of your child’s friends. Some of my favorite recipes are ones I’ve requested from a Chinese mother raised in Hawaii whose cooking my son raved about whenever he visited.

Some of these suggestions may fall flat like a pancake. Others may get you only a few more minutes of conversation at the table. Still others may not work the first few times you try them. When it comes to parenting teens, persistence pays off, so don’t let a little pushback or negativity keep you from trying again.

Watch the recording of Dr. Fishel’s Why Family Meals Matter webinar!

To watch for free, just register here: tinyurl.com/FamilyMealsMatter

The Northland Coalition Prevention Network and Parent Up hosted The Family Dinner Project for an engaging webinar for parents and caregivers on the benefits of family meals! Anyone can view a recording of the webinar by registering at tinyurl.com/FamilyMealsMatter. Learn about the academic, mental health and nutritional benefits of family meals. Dr. Fishel discusses mealtime challenges and great strategies to overcome obstacles.  She motivates and empowers caring adults with games to play at the table that will spark conversation as well as tips to get kids to give you more than just a one-word answer.

Read Parent Up’s “Giving Devices a Seat…Away From the Table” Insight!

There’s incredible value in getting your family to sit down and have meaningful meals, but there’s a lot of things that get in the way. Check out our newest Parent Up Insight for tips on giving your devices a new seat away from the table!

Read Insight Here!

Check out Parent Up’s free resources to help your family have more meaningful meals!

We make it easy to have more meaningful meals more often with your family on our Meaningful Meals page. Check it out!

Visit our Meaningful Meals page!

Legal Weed is Now in Missouri – Here’s How You Can Help Ensure Kids Stay Drug-Free

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With legal marijuana now being sold and marketed in our community, it’s more important than ever that we protect youth from early experimentation. The adolescent brain is unique, growing, and changing daily, and it’s these conditions that allow addiction to set in much more quickly in teens than adults. Also adding to the dangers are high potency marijuana and products like edibles and vapes. The average THC content (the substance that gets you high) in marijuana today has skyrocketed since the 60s, making it stronger and more likely to jumpstart addiction in our vulnerable teens. When the risks of increased access to THC-packed edibles, gummies, and vape cartridges are added to the mix, it’s a recipe for addiction.

The good news is that marijuana rates among youth in the Northland are currently low and we can help keep it that way:

  • Make sure kids in your life know you care about their mental health and well-being. That’s why you don’t want them to use marijuana or any other substances! Set clear expectations that they will stay marijuana-free.

  • Ensure any cannabis products are not accessible to youth.  

  • Help youth gain the confidence to say “no” to marijuana by practicing scenarios and brainstorming what they might say if they are offered marijuana. Prepare your kids for peer pressure and let them know they can come to you for help.

  • Watch for any early signs or symptoms of marijuana use. Be on alert for changes in behaviors, friend groups, or attitudes. Some warning signs include: Glassy, red eyes, slurred speech, dry mouth, a “skunky” smell, anxiety, a drop in grades, quitting activities, and difficulty thinking and problem solving.

Most addiction starts in adolescence: 90% of adults in the U.S. with a drug addiction starting using before age 18, making this the most important time to prevent experimentation with drugs. As adults, we have the power to help protect our kids and prevent addiction, and Parent Up is here to help! Check out all of our marijuana-specific resources here!

Keeping Our Kids Merry & Bright

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It’s the holiday season and here at Parent Up, we are intentionally celebrating the joy, creativity and resilience of area youth. We also celebrate YOU, the parents, guardians and other caring adults who are following along, learning, listening and taking action, even though it isn’t always easy.

With the threats of deadly fentanyl, new discreet nicotine products, and the now more available than ever potent-THC packed cannabis posing risks to young brains, Parent Up is starting out the new year with some encouragement and tried-and-true tips for Keeping Our Kids Merry & Bright All Year Round:  

  1. Let’s make sure kids know we care about their health and well-being. Youth substance use harms the developing brain and puts youth at higher risk for problems with mental health and addiction throughout life. Set no-use expectations when it comes to vaping, alcohol, marijuana, and other substances.

     

  2. Be curious and keep the dialogue about substance use open. Ask youth what they think or have heard about alcohol, vaping, and other drug use. We can let them know they can come to us adults for help with peer pressure, stress, or anxiety.

     

  3. Help youth gain confidence to say “no” to alcohol and other drugs by practicing scenarios and brainstorming what they might say if they’re offered to them.
  1. Watch for early signs or symptoms of substance use which could include: changes in appearance, changes in friend groups, grades dropping, and/or secretive behavior. We know our kids best, so if something seems off, we should take action.

Kids are resilient and they are better off with your support. We wish you well this holiday season and into the new year.

The Parent Up Team

How Medicine Safety Can Save Kids’ Lives Now and in the Future

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In light of the opioid epidemic and with fentanyl already in our communities, it’s more important than ever to teach our younger kids about medication safety. By being proactive now, we can reduce the number of accidental poisonings directly and lay a foundation to protect our kids well into their future.

It’s not too early to start with age-appropriate education about medicine safety. According to the Missouri Poison Center, students can begin to self-medicate around age 11. Below are five actionable tips and practices about medicine safety we can implement now while our children are still young to help them make safe choices related to medicines when they grow up:

1. Teach your child that they should only take medicine from trusted adults. Make a list of who these people are and remind them of this often.

2. Model responsible medication safety by never sharing medications or using someone else’s medications. Continually reinforce this message with your child, explaining that they should never share medication or take someone else’s medication.

3. Keep medications in their original containers to avoid confusion with other medicines or candy. This is also important because each medication has its own dosage, warnings, and directions for use. One of the most common mistakes when it comes to medication is accidental double dosing.

4. Always store medicine in a safe place, such as a place only you know about or a high shelf that children can’t reach. Don’t keep medicine in your bathroom medicine cabinet where anyone can find it.

5. Participate in regular safe medication disposal. Keeping unused, unwanted, or expired medication out of the house entirely will drastically limit the risks to kids. This month, the DEA’s Drug Take Back Day is on October 29th where people can safely dispose of their prescription pills. You can also find a list of our permanent local drop boxes in the Kansas City Northland here that are open year round.

Research shows that starting preventative education with early elementary school-aged children reduces chronic substance use in high school, and communication is an essential part of keeping our children healthy and safe. Thank you for taking the time to have these conversations and reinforce these medication safety practices.

– Parent Up KC Staff

For more medicine safety tips for your family, check out Scholastic’s Medicine Safety Newsletter.

 

Download and share our one page handout
of this Insight on medicine safety!

More Resources:

– For talking tips for older kids and teens, read our local Parent Up KC Insight about fentanyl.
– For more information about fentanyl, read the warnings, tips and pictures about fentanyl straight from the DEA.
– Learn more about the DEA’s Take Back Day, held twice a year in April and October.

Discreet and Sweet: Steering Kids Clear of Fruity Nicotine Gum, Tablets, & Pouches

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There’s a new trend with teens, especially among those who have tried smoking or vaping: New fruity nicotine gums, tablets, pouches, and lozenges. Popular brands among teens include products from Zyn, Lucy, Rogue, Velo, Solace, On!, and Juice Head. These products may be small, but they pack an addictive nicotine punch.  When powerful nicotine is mixed with fruity flavors, flashy marketing, and bright packaging, it’s no wonder kids fall prey.

Doesn’t this all sound familiar? Youth-friendly marketing and discreet delivery of highly-concentrated nicotine is what finally landed the tobacco and vaping industry in hot water earlier this year. These fruity nicotine products are also very inexpensive when compared to vaping products – generally under $6.00 – and teens see them as “less harmful” because they’re “tobacco-free.” These claims falsely imply these products are healthier and safer than vaping or smoking, when in reality the real threat to our youth is in the highly-concentrated nicotine contained in these new products.

Advertisements found on Amazon.com (https://www.amazon.com/Nicotine-Lozenges-Cleaner-Alternative-Convenient/dp/B093JNFHSR and https://www.amazon.com/Nicotine-Count-Citrus-Berry-Alternative/dp/B09XWVKJV4)

The FDA is also fighting to keep products like nicotine gummies off the shelves and out of the hands of kids. The FDA shut down Krave gummies just this week because the company that makes them didn’t first apply for FDA authorization, making them illegal to sell. So far, they have been discontinued and there seems to be no other nicotine gummy products online. About a month ago, FDA Commissioner Dr. Robert Califf warned that, “Nicotine gummies are a public health crisis just waiting to happen among our nation’s youth.” 

Zyn advertisement found at https://uk.zyn.com/. Velo advertisement found on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsbCQST4qRM.
Rogue ad proudly displayed on designer's website at https://fisherdesign.com/project/rogue-brand-redesign/. Velo ad found on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/Zain9t0/posts/180953890401150).

When it comes to teens, addiction experts and prevention researchers agree: “Exposure to nicotine can interfere with healthy brain development among teens, worsen mood disorders and mental health problems, and affect their ability to learn and pay attention…It also puts them at increased risk of addiction to other substances, as well as other products containing nicotine.”

Even though traditional gums and lozenges already exist to help adults quit smoking, these new oral products seem to be targeting youth to get them hooked early. The marketing is everywhere, as Truth Initiative has pointed out: “Researchers estimated that 38 million pieces of oral nicotine direct mail were sent to U.S. consumers between March 2018 and August 2020 for Velo (RJ Reynolds) and On! (Altria) nicotine pouches and Revel lozenges (RJ Reynolds).”

Comparison image made by KCadmin from images found online (Rogue website, Solace Facebook page, Lucy at Nicokick.com, Walmart website, Walgreens website).

We know that most kids choose not to vape or smoke, and most will refuse products like these if they’re offered. We also know that adult support and conversations really help when the pressure mounts and the offer for teens to “try it,” is there.

As adults, we can help youth by:

  • Having conversations about our nicotine-free expectations early and often, including cigarettes, vaping, and these products. 
  • Warning kids and teens of the risks of using nicotine while they’re brain is still developing, including harm to their brains and lifelong addiction (learn more on our Vaping page).
  • Helping them gain confidence by practicing saying “no” to their peers when offered a nicotine product. 
  • Reminding our kids they can come to us for help with peer pressure, stress, or anxiety.

By Parent Up KC Staff

Underage Drinking: It’s on Us to Protect Kids

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by Parent Up Staff

As adults we have the opportunity, and the obligation, to do everything we can to make sure our young people have healthy and bright futures. Adults working together can support policies, attitudes, and actions that prevent underage drinking and help youth thrive. Read on to see how you can help: 

Why should we care about preventing underage drinking?

The teen years are a sensitive time for brain development and underage drinking only adds fuel to the fire. The years between childhood and adulthood aren’t the easiest and youth need help from adults along the way. Underage drinking and teen drug use can negatively affect young people’s school performance, future job prospects, and physical and mental health, damaging their lives well into adulthood. 90% of adults with substance use disorders started using alcohol or other drugs in their teen years, so it’s important to take early and ongoing action.

What impacts a teen’s likelihood to drink alcohol?

While kids are the ones who take the drink, there are a lot of factors outside the teen that lead to this decision. When alcohol is more available, youth are more likely to drink. Also, when teens think it is “ok” or “cool,” or the adults around them allow minors to drink, they are more likely to drink alcohol. Finally, when teens think they are safe from any harm, like legal trouble, we see rates of teen drinking increase. Each of these factors can be addressed at a community level and Parent Up asks for all adults to help protect our youth.

What steps can adults take to help reduce underage drinking in our community?

Adults can help reduce the number of teens drinking by:

  1. Refusing to provide alcohol to minors—even during special occasions. When adults refuse, fewer kids use.  
  2. Letting the youth in your life know you care about their mental well-being.  If they’re feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, or bored, adults can help find healthy solutions for relief rather than them turning to alcohol or other drugs. 
  3. Setting clear, no alcohol use expectations with the kids in your life. When adults set boundaries and stand firm, kids feel safe and know what to do when peer pressure mounts.
  4. Making a game plan with the teens in your life before they go out or spend time with friends, so they know what is expected and how to refuse if alcohol is offered.  

At Parent Up, our hope is to help equip parents and other caring adults with tools and resources to help prevent substance use of any kind by youth. Thank you for caring and thanks for taking action to help! For more tips, tools, and resources on youth alcohol use or preventing any drug use with our teens, feel free to explore around ParentUpKC.com! 

Making the Most of Dinners with Your Teen

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Dr. Anne Fishel is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at the Harvard Medical School and the Director of the Family and Couples Therapy Program at Massachusetts General Hospital. She is the executive director and co-founder of The Family Dinner Project, a non-profit initiative based at Massachusetts General Hospital, that helps families online and in communities to have better and more frequent family dinners. She has lectured to parents, teachers, and health professionals about the benefits of family meals and written numerous articles about family issues for NPR, The Washington Post, Psychology Today, The Los Angeles Times, PBS, and others.
Her book about family dinners, Home for Dinner: Mixing Food, Fun and Conversation for Happier Families and Healthier Kids, is available through Amazon. She is a co-author with The Family Dinner Project team of Eat, Laugh, Talk: The Family Dinner Playbook.

Of any age group, teens may have the most to gain from eating dinner with their families. Numerous studies over the last 25 years reveal that dinners can protect teens from engaging in a host of risky behaviors: smoking, drinking, getting pregnant, developing an eating disorder, and using drugs. Teens who dine with their families also report experiencing less overall stress, feeling more known by their parents, and having better relationships with them (CASA, 2012).

Why do family dinners offer such benefits? The simplest answer is that dinner is a reliable occasion for teens to feel connected to their parents. It is this connection that provides the real seat belt on the potholed road of adolescence.

Dinnertime also creates the opportunity for parents to check in and monitor their teens’ behavior without putting their kids on the hot seat. Instead, questions about their day are softened by answering while enjoying a delicious meal, and by hearing about everyone else’s funny tales of the day.

The really good news is that when teenagers are asked to list the activities they most enjoy, family dinner is consistently ranked high on that list.

That said, teens can be sulky, irritable, prickly and challenging, and may not make the easiest dinner companions. Not only that, but their schedules may seem too busy to fit in regular dinners, what with sports practices, after school jobs, hours of homework, and heavy social media upkeep.

So, how can parents make dinner compelling for adolescents, and enjoyable for everyone else in the family? Showing up at the dinner table with certain parental attitudes may help: showing interest in your kids’ new discoveries (e.g. music, friends, favorite athletes, video games, etc.) without judging them; tolerating strong expressions of feelings; and talking in a more honest and self-disclosing way about your own lives, if these disclosures are relevant to your kids’ struggles.

Adolescence is also a time when kids are figuring out who they are and how they want to be similar to and different from their parents, and they have the brainpower now to engage in philosophical and abstract thought.  It is no wonder, then, that this is a time when kids may declare that they have food preferences that differ from their parents. Consider the New Yorker cartoon of two teenage girls talking. One says to the other: “I started to be a vegetarian for health reasons, now it’s just to annoy!” But this kind of questioning of parental values can also lead to rich conversations about things that matter.

How to Keep Dinner as Lively as Your Teenagers

  • Agree that dinner will be off limits for discussing conflicts—no talk about homework, or whose turn it is to take out the trash, or a recent “D” on a math quiz, or how late the curfew should be on Friday night.

     

  • If possible, parents as well as teens should make dinner a technology-free zone. If this isn’t possible, then negotiate rules that everyone can agree to, such as: ‘We’ll only use our phones to resolve factual disagreements that come up at dinner’ or will only use it to play a game like Selfie Hot Potato.

     

  • If scheduling conflicts interfere with nightly dinners, consider having a healthy after-dinner, take-a-break-from-homework snack. This might be frozen yogurt with berries, a bowl of soup, or cheese and crackers.

     

  • Initiate conversations about subjects that matter to you and to your children. Did you read an article in the newspaper today that confused, upset, or delighted you? Talk about it and ask for your kids’ reactions. Check out our Conversation of the Week blog for more ideas.

     

  • Offer to make a new meal, based on your teen’s interests—if they are studying Chinese history or Indian literature, check out www.epicurious.com and search for recipes by country. Even better, make that new meal with your child so that they can teach you something about another culture they know more about than you do.

     

  • Invite your kid to make a course or part of the meal, particularly something fairly quick (but special and dramatic) that will elicit “oohs” and “ah”s from the rest of the family. Popovers, fruit smoothies, or a vegetable or fruit no one has ever tried before (anyone for dragon fruit?) all do the trick.
  • Speak about your own experiences of the day in a way that is honest and self-disclosing, perhaps revealing something that was embarrassing or challenging. Or, repeat a joke that you heard at work.

     

  • Ask your teen to choose music for you to listen to during dinner. On other nights, you might play your own music, or play the music that you listened to when you were your child’s age. Both will give you something to talk about that may be of great interest to your teen.

     

  • Since adolescence is a time of increased exploration, buy cookbooks when you travel to new places, ask for recipes at restaurants, or from the parents of your child’s friends. Some of my favorite recipes are ones I’ve requested from a Chinese mother raised in Hawaii whose cooking my son raved about whenever he visited.

Some of these suggestions may fall flat like a pancake. Others may get you only a few more minutes of conversation at the table. Still others may not work the first few times you try them. When it comes to parenting teens, persistence pays off, so don’t let a little pushback or negativity keep you from trying again.

Watch the recording of Dr. Fishel’s Why Family Meals Matter webinar!

To watch for free, just register here: tinyurl.com/FamilyMealsMatter

The Northland Coalition Prevention Network and Parent Up recently hosted The Family Dinner Project for an engaging webinar for parents and caregivers on the benefits of family meals! Anyone can view a recording of the webinar by registering at tinyurl.com/FamilyMealsMatter. Learn about the academic, mental health and nutritional benefits of family meals. Dr. Fishel discusses mealtime challenges and great strategies to overcome obstacles.  She motivates and empowers caring adults with games to play at the table that will spark conversation as well as tips to get kids to give you more than just a one-word answer.

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