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Raising Tweens

9 Ways to Root Your Family in Resilience

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As parents or caregivers, we know you want the best for your kids and hope that they get to stay in their carefree kid phase for as long as possible. The reality, though, is that kids DO face challenges. As parents and caregivers, you play a crucial role in helping your kids develop the resilience to overcome those challenges!

What is Resilience?

According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, or significant sources of stress. It is a tool to help manage uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, uncertainty, or stress. Resilient kids are better equipped to handle the everyday challenges of life and cope with problems they encounter.

 

And the good news? Resilience can be built in kids (and adults!) of all ages, starting at home.

9 Ways Families Can Root Kids in Resilience Starting NOW!

1. Give yourself (and your kids) grace. It’s safe to say that we all make mistakes. When we acknowledge mistakes, and talk about what can be learned from them, it lets our kids know that when they make mistakes or face challenges, it will be okay!

2. Provide structure for kids. Predictability and routine help make kids feel safe and give them purpose. Every second of your day doesn’t need to be planned out, but consider including things like morning and nighttime routines, blocks of time for school work or unstructured play, or even time set aside to plan/talk about what’s going on that day. Just as important as having routine, however, is to model flexibility. Our kids will be watching to see how we respond when we’re running late, as unplanned things pop up, and when life’s other common disruptions happen.

3. Practice your own self-care. Drink water, take breaks, maintain a consistent sleep schedule, move your body, color, read, do things you enjoy most. Taking care of yourself is essential for taking care of kids, and will help you and your child(ren) be better equipped to handle stress or challenges.

4. Model positive coping skills. Put words to your positive coping actions, for example:  “Whew, I am feeling stressed.  I’m going to take a walk. Want to come too?” If you find yourself reacting to a situation with a negative coping skill, talk with your child about how you would handle that differently next time and what they would do if they were ever feeling that way.

5. Find intentional moments to connect. A report from Harvard University suggests that the key to resilience in youth is one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult. To build that connection, utilize meal times, car rides, or set aside time to just talk, play, and be together. Strengthening these relationships before challenging or stressful times can help ensure that your child has at least one person they feel comfortable talking to when those times do come.

6. Foster a sense of community. In addition to building connections with you, find places within your neighborhood, school, or larger community where your kids can feel connected to others. Whether that’s joining a club, volunteering, attending larger family gatherings, or even just hanging out with peers, building a community where they feel included can promote resilience in the long run.

7. Teach problem solving; don’t give answers. Sometimes it’s easier to give kids answers and solutions to small problems, because we’ve been there and done that! However, kids need that opportunity to build those skills and practice coming to a successful solution on their own. Try asking them questions that might lead them to a solution and build their confidence in solving small problems by themselves.

8. Move towards your goals. Model goal setting for yourself and help your child(ren) set reasonable goals. Setting goals can help kids feel a sense of control and as they accomplish those goals, building their confidence. In this process you’ll have the chance to help them identify stepping stones towards their goals, manage setbacks, evaluate their plans, and most importantly, celebrate successes big and small.

9. Choose an attitude of gratitude. Focusing on things you are grateful for is instant stress relief! With practice, focusing on gratitude can help build emotional resilience by encouraging us to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. You can model gratitude, especially in hard times, by saying things like “Even though this is hard, I’m glad we have each other for support.” 

Together, We Can Grow More Resilient Kids

Youth in our community have tremendous potential and we all benefit when this potential is realized! We are excited to partner with individuals, organizations, and various areas of our community to ensure that our actions support youth resilience and mental health. 

 

When we are intentional, and work together, we can ensure that ALL kids have the opportunity to thrive! Learn more about building resilience in your kids – and yourself – on our Roots of Resilience page! 

 

– Parent Up KC Staff

More Resources

What To Do if Other Adults Provide Alcohol to Minors

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Parent Up | What to do if...Other Adults Provide Alcohol to Minors

This month a local mom, Nancy B., describes a dilemma other parents and caregivers may relate to:

“There were two kids passed out on the couch.” This is what my son just told me. It was one of those special moments when my teenager actually opened up to me about his weekend and his friends. He was vulnerable, and I could tell that he was scared I was going to get really mad. I tried really hard to maintain composure, just listening, waiting for him to tell me more.

He explained that he didn’t drink but all his friends did, some of them drinking so much they passed out. I asked about the parents, and he shared that they were upstairs and they knew that everyone was drinking— it was the parents who bought the alcohol. Then he went quiet – he really didn’t want me to dislike those parents or his friends.

I consoled my son, thanking him for confiding in me and telling him I was so proud for not drinking. I told him that he can always call me if kids start drinking and I’d come get him ASAP. I gave him a hug.

Phew. My heart pounded as I left the conversation. On one hand, my kid was fine. He did the right thing and I’m so glad he was honest with me. On the other hand, I was furious that this parent provided alcohol to MY kid and his friends. Didn’t they know they were setting up kids for so many risks to their brain, body, and future?  

Alarming Stats

At Parent Up KC, we hear stories like this from parents too commonly. They’re angry that the providers of alcohol are other adults or parents who should know better.
The alarming truth is that kids in the Kansas City Northland rarely get alcohol from retailers; their source is usually older friends or family members.

 In the Missouri Student Survey conducted in 2024, 62.2% of adolescents claimed to have acquired alcohol through a friend, while 41.6% stated that they got alcohol through family members.

And while parents may think they’re doing the right thing because they’re “supervising” the situation, the reality is that they’re contributing to the problem – and worse – potentially causing harm. Research shows that teens whose parents provide alcohol – even with rules or supervision – are more likely to:

  • Drink more often
  • Drink more heavily
  • Experience alcohol-related harm

Providing alcohol does not protect teens and actually increases harm.

Now What?

As a parent, the steps you take today will have a profound impact on the health and future well-being of your children. That’s why it’s crucial to speak up and play a proactive role in preventing underage drinking. Parent Up provides a ton of resources for having conversations with your child about underage drinking so they’re more likely to make the right decision in the moment.

If you find yourself in a sticky situation similar to Nancy’s in the story above, you may feel conflicted on what to do.
Here are a few approaches you can take if you discover that other adults are providing alcohol or allowing underage drinking:

  • Contact the adults involved directly
  • Notify your child’s school or other parents
  • Contact local law enforcement’s non-emergency number

If you don’t feel comfortable taking these steps or they’re not the best options for your situation, we’ve created an anonymous warning letter you can send. It’s a sensitively written letter that informs the adult that it is known they provided alcohol to minors and outlines the dangers associated with underage drinking.

At Parent Up, our mission is to equip parents with facts, resources and tools to prevent underage drinking in the Northland. To learn more about what you can do to prevent underage drinking, check out our Prevent Alcohol Use page.

– Parent Up KC Staff

How To Talk To Teens About Marijuana: What Works

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As parents and caregivers, we all want to protect our kids and help them grow into healthy, confident adults. When it comes to marijuana—also known as cannabis, THC, weed, or pot — one thing is clear:

No amount of marijuana use is safe for youth.

Today’s marijuana is more widely available and much stronger than it used to be, and teens’ developing brains are especially vulnerable. Research shows that marijuana use during adolescence can affect learning, memory, attention, mental health, and even increase the risk of addiction. 

That can feel overwhelming—but here’s the encouraging news: your voice truly matters. Teens who learn about marijuana from their parents or caregivers, and who clearly understand family expectations, are half as likely to ever use marijuana or other drugs compared to their peers.

At Parent Up, we know parents and caring adults are the most powerful influence in preventing youth marijuana use. With the right approach, your conversations can build trust, confidence, and protection with your child — not conflict.

Set the Stage for Meaningful Conversations

Before you begin, start by trying to put yourself in your teen’s shoes. Think about how you would want to be approached on a tough topic. Aim to stay calm, open, and respectful. When we lead with curiosity instead of judgment, teens are far more likely to talk — and listen.

Ask open-ended questions:

  • What have you heard about marijuana?
  • What do kids at school say about it?
  • What do you think about it?

Listening first helps you understand where your teen is coming from and shows them that their thoughts matter. Conversations work best when they feel like a discussion, not a lecture.

At the same time, it’s important to be clear. You can be open-minded and firm. Let your teen know that because you care about their safety, health, and future, you don’t approve of marijuana use in any form. Clear expectations help teens feel supported and give them confidence to make safer choices—especially when faced with pressure.

Keep the Conversations Going

One of the most effective tools parents have is frequency. Talk often and casually. Conversations don’t have to be long or serious to be meaningful. Everyday moments work best: driving in the car, taking a walk, cooking dinner, or watching a show together.

Sometimes the environment offers an easy opening—passing a smoke shop, hearing something in the news, or seeing drug use portrayed in a movie. These moments can help conversations feel natural and less intimidating, and keep communication open over time.

Helpful Things You Can Say

You don’t need a perfect script. Simple, honest statements can go a long way:

  • “There’s a lot of information out there about marijuana, but I want you to come to me if you have questions.”
  • “If you’re worried about friends using marijuana, let me know—we can talk about it.”
    (In Missouri, more than 25% of youth report having at least one friend who uses marijuana.)
  • “I want you to know it’s not okay for kids to use marijuana—it’s illegal and not safe.”
  • “Your brain is still growing into your mid-20s, and marijuana can interfere with that growth.”

These messages communicate care, clarity, and trust—all at the same time.

Worried about Pushback?

Here are some ways to address some of the most common things teens might say:

What Your Teen Might Say: How You Can Respond:
"Ugh, again?! We've already talked about this!" “Yeah, I know we have, but it’s important to me that you know where I’m coming from and why I expect you to be drug-free. I care about you and love you. I want what’s best for your growing brain and body, so I’m going to check in with you sometimes or remind you of our rules because they keep you safe. I know you’re facing a lot of choices as you grow up and I want you to know where I stand.”
"Weed is safer than alcohol." “I’m not surprised to hear you say that because many people think that. But the fact is, there is no amount of safe drug use as a teen. Your brain and body are growing so much right now, and using any drugs during this time can have long term impacts on your brain and your health. Using marijuana as a teenager can also put you at greater risk of car accidents and making poor choices about sex or other drug use.”
“Marijuana is legal here now. Why would it be legal if it’s harmful?” “Many things are legal that can harm people, and especially kids and teens, like tobacco or alcohol. In fact, any drugs - including marijuana - can be more harmful to you than adults because you’re at a stage in life where your brain and body are growing so fast that it leaves you more vulnerable to addiction and the other harmful consequences of drug use.”
“I hear kids at school saying it’s from nature, so it can’t be harmful.” “I get that, but when you really think about it, that doesn’t make much sense. There are many natural plants that are harmful to humans like poison ivy, tobacco, and heroin, which is made from poppy flowers. Just because someone says it’s ‘natural’ doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful.”
“Did you smoke weed when you were younger?” {Answer with the truth, but bring it back to the present.} “Marijuana was a much less potent substance when I was a kid and I am really not happy with the decisions that I/my peers made when I/they did smoke. When you’re high or stoned, the ability to make good decisions is questionable and because today's marijuana is so strong, the risk is just too high.”
“My friend only smokes weed on the weekends and he’s fine.” “I am glad your friend isn’t using it throughout the week, but I am worried because using any drug during the teen years can be really harmful to your brain. I don’t want you to do anything that can be harmful, that’s why I expect you to not use cannabis.”

More Support for Parents & Caregivers

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Parent Up offers:

You are Your Teen’s Greatest Protection

Talking with your teen about marijuana may not always feel easy—but it is one of the most powerful things you can do to protect them. Your consistency, honesty, and presence make a real difference. Every conversation, no matter how small, helps build trust and strengthens your teen’s ability to make healthy choices.

You are your child’s greatest protection. And Parent Up is here to support you every step of the way.

5 Urgent Reasons to Keep Our Kids Marijuana-Free

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As parents and caring adults, we all want our kids to grow up healthy, happy, and confident about their futures. But with today’s marijuana products becoming stronger and more accessible, it’s more important than ever to stay informed and proactive.

Whether you hear it called marijuana, THC, cannabis, weed, or pot — one fact remains:

No amount of marijuana use is safe for youth.

Because the brain continues developing well into a person’s mid-20s, young people are especially vulnerable to marijuana’s effects on brain growth, learning, and mental health.

In fact, 90% of Americans who struggle with addiction today started using alcohol or other drugs during their teen years. Early prevention truly matters — and your guidance can make all the difference.

Here are five key reasons why keeping youth marijuana-free helps protect their health, safety, and future success:

1. Today's Marijuana is Much Stronger Than Before

Marijuana today is not the same as what existed decades ago. THC — the chemical responsible for the “high” — has risen dramatically in strength. While marijuana in the 1960s contained only about 1–4% THC, dispensaries now sell marijuana products averaging 18–23% THC, with some strains testing over 30%.

Even more concerning are concentrated forms like dabs, waxes, oils, and vapes, which can contain anywhere from 40% to over 80% THC. These highly potent products can trigger anxiety, paranoia, and psychosis — and the risk of addiction rises along with the dose.

Because these products aren’t regulated by the FDA, there’s no oversight on their safety or potency. Keeping teens marijuana-free helps protect their developing brains from these increasingly powerful and unpredictable substances.

2. Marijuana, Like Other Drugs, Can Be Addictive

It’s a common misconception that marijuana isn’t addictive, but science tells a different story. About 1 in 10 people who use marijuana will develop an addiction — and for those who start before age 18, the risk jumps to 1 in 6.

Teens are particularly at risk because their brains are still learning and forming habits. Just as it’s easier for young minds to learn an instrument or new language, it’s also easier for them to develop dependencies. Early marijuana use can also raise the likelihood of future substance use.

Helping youth stay marijuana-free is one of the strongest ways we can protect them from addiction.

3. Marijuana Use Harms Teen Mental Health

We know how much today’s teens are navigating — stress, peer pressure, and anxiety are real challenges. Some might turn to marijuana thinking it will help them relax, but research shows it can actually make things worse.

Regular marijuana use, especially with high-THC products, can interfere with emotional growth and make it harder for teens to cope with stress in healthy ways. Studies have linked teen marijuana use to higher rates of depression, anxiety, psychosis, and suicidal thoughts.

Our kids’ mental health is precious — and keeping them marijuana-free helps protect their ability to think clearly, feel deeply, and manage life’s challenges in positive, lasting ways.

4. Marijuana Use Harms Learning & School Success

Teen brains are wired for growth, curiosity, and learning — which makes these years so important. But marijuana use can interrupt this development, leading to problems with memory, attention, and motivation.

Teens who use marijuana often have more trouble focusing in class, completing assignments, and solving problems. Over time, that can lead to lower grades and a higher risk of dropping out.

And the effects don’t just fade when the high wears off — marijuana’s impact on attention and memory can last for days or even weeks. Some studies even show lasting declines in IQ for those who start using as teens.

Protecting our kids from marijuana use helps them stay sharp, focused, and ready to reach their full potential.

5. Marijuana Use Makes Driving Dangerous

Learning to drive is one of the biggest milestones in a teen’s life — but it’s also one of the riskiest times. Marijuana use slows reaction time, coordination, and judgment, making it dangerous behind the wheel. Combine that with an inexperienced driver, and the results can be tragic. 

Marijuana is the most common illegal drug found in drivers involved in deadly crashes, sometimes along with alcohol. Teens who use marijuana are also more likely to ride with someone who’s impaired, putting themselves at risk even if they aren’t the driver.

We can help keep them safe by setting clear expectations: Don’t drive high, and don’t ride with someone who is.

How We Can Keep Youth Marijuana-Free

Parents, the good news is that marijuana use among youth in the Northland is currently low — and together, we can keep it that way! Here’s how:

💬 Set clear expectations

Let your teen know you care deeply about their health and want them to stay marijuana-free. Clear, loving boundaries make a difference.

🧠 Keep the conversation open

Ask what your teen has heard about marijuana and share the facts calmly and honestly. Make sure they know they can come to you — or another trusted adult — with questions or concerns about anxiety, stress, or peer pressure.

💪 Prepare kids for peer pressure

Role-play scenarios so your teen feels confident saying “no.” Create a code word they can text you if they need help leaving an unsafe situation.

👀 Stay alert to changes

Watch for warning signs like red eyes, dropping grades, new friend groups, or shifts in mood. If you’re concerned, reach out for help early — support and resources are available.

Safeguarding our kids’ well-being is one of the most important things we can do — and you’re not alone in it. The potency of today’s marijuana, its addictive nature, and its effects on developing brains all underscore why prevention matters so much.

💛 Together, we can protect our kids, prevent addiction, and help them grow into strong, healthy adults.

Visit our Marijuana page for free resources, conversation guides, and support for parents and caregivers.

We Know How to Fight This: Flavored Marijuana

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If it feels like vaping is suddenly everywhere, you’re not imagining it.

Local reports and data from this past year show a sharp rise in the number of kids—especially middle schoolers—vaping flavored marijuana (cannabis).

The sweet flavors can make these products seem harmless, but experts warn that they’re driving addiction and causing real problems at school, with friends, and at home.

Photo credit: news.umich.edu

As a parent or caregiver, that can feel overwhelming. But here’s the encouraging part: we know how to fight this.
Twenty-five years ago, more than a third of teens smoked cigarettes. Today? That number is down to just 3%. 

Cigarettes didn’t vanish—our approach changed. Parents, schools, and entire communities came together to reshape policies, expectations, and conversations. And it worked. We can do the same thing with vaping marijuana.

Three Powerful Ways Parents Can Help

You don’t need a long script or special training. What matters most is staying engaged, connected, and clear with your kids:

1. Talk Often
 Regular, short, and honest conversations are far more effective than a single “big talk.” Ask what your child is hearing at school. Share what you know. Keep the door open.

2. Be Clear About Expectations
 Kids actually want to know where you stand. Let your child know you don’t want them using marijuana in any form—including vaping. Clarity helps them make safer choices.

3. Stay Close
 A strong relationship with a caring adult is one of the biggest protective factors against substance use. Your presence, attention, and support truly matter.

You’re Not Alone

Parenting through a changing landscape of substances can feel tough, but you don’t have to navigate it by yourself.
Parent Up offers tools, conversation starters, and resources to help you open these discussions and keep them going.

Together – just like we did with cigarettes – we can protect our kids and create healthier futures.

What’s Next:

– Parent Up Staff

5 Ways to Keep Our Kids Marijuana-Free

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As parents and caregivers, we want nothing more than to see our kids happy, healthy, and thriving. But today’s marijuana is far stronger than it used to be, and teens’ still-developing brains are especially vulnerable. Marijuana use can impact our teens’ mental health, learning, and safe driving. And because 90% of Americans who struggle with addiction began using substances as teens, early prevention is key!

Here’s the encouraging part: a strong, caring relationship with you is one of the most powerful protections your child has.

Your presence, your voice, and your guidance genuinely make a difference. Here are four supportive steps you can take:

1. Talk Often

Frequent, low-pressure conversations help more than one big, intimidating talk. Ask your child what they’ve heard about marijuana at school or online. Stay curious, listen without judgment, and share what you know in age-appropriate ways. Most importantly, let them know they can always come to you (or another trusted adult) if they’re feeling stressed, pressured, or anxious. Keeping that door open builds trust.

2. Be Clear about Expectations

Kids actually want to know where you stand, and clear boundaries and expectations help kids feel safe and supported. Let your child know you don’t want them using marijuana in any form—including vaping and edibles. Let your kids know that any substance use – including marijuana use – is harmful to their growing brains, and you care about their mental health and well-being. Your clarity helps them to make safer choices.

3. Prepare for Peer Pressure

Even strong kids can get caught off guard. Practice simple “no thanks” responses together and brainstorm what they might say if someone offers them marijuana. Consider creating a family code word they can text you if they need help getting out of an unsafe situation — like if someone they’re riding with is about to drive high. These conversations send a powerful message: I trust you, and I’ve got your back.

4. Stay Close

The time you spend with your child — even 20 minutes over a snack or a quick daily check-in — builds connection and resilience. Feeling seen and supported by a caring adult is one of the strongest protective factors against all substance use! Your steady presence has more impact than you may realize!

5. Know the Signs

You know your child better than anyone. If you notice changes in behavior, mood, or friend groups, trust that insight. Warning signs of marijuana use may include:

  • Red or glassy eyes
  • Slurred speech
  • Dry mouth
  • A “skunky” smell
  • Anxiety or irritability
  • Drop in grades
  • Quitting hobbies or activities
  • Difficulty thinking or problem-solving

If something feels “off,” reach out for help. Support is available, and early action can make a huge difference.

You are your child’s greatest protection.

Your love, clarity, and everyday presence give them the strength and confidence to make healthy choices — now and for years to come. You’re not alone in this, and the steps you take today truly matter.

Parent Up is here to help!

Parenting: The Quiet Heartbreak of Doing Your Best

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Miranda Jamison is a local parent and the lead reporter for The Richmond News and The Excelsior Springs Standard. She covers everything from local government and education to the people and events that make small-town Missouri thrive. 

Passionate about storytelling, Miranda strives to write pieces that inform, connect, and inspire her community. When she’s not covering a meeting or writing a feature, she enjoys time with her daughter, Aurora, who inspires much of the heart behind her work.

Parenting doesn’t always break your heart in loud or dramatic ways.

Most of the time, it’s quieter. It happens when the house is still, the workday feels endless and you suddenly realize your child has been waiting for you to notice the time slipping by. It’s the kind of heartbreak that doesn’t come from a single moment but from the slow awareness that love, no matter how strong, sometimes gets buried beneath responsibility.

The other night, my daughter Aurora told me she feels like I am always working. She said when we go somewhere, it’s usually an event for my job, and that even when we’re home, I’m on my computer late into the night. Her voice wasn’t angry, just honest. To her, work had become the quiet wall between us.

Parents everywhere know that sinking feeling. You try to explain work isn’t a choice, it’s what keeps life running. You tell them it’s what allows the lights to stay on, the bills to be paid and the small joys to be possible. But no matter how carefully you explain it, the words never feel like enough. They sound like excuses when what they want most is your time.

That conversation with my daughter felt like a small knife in the chest, not because  she meant to hurt me but because she was right. It wasn’t about neglect or disinterest – it was about the cost of doing your best. Every parent tries to balance a dozen worlds at once and the guilt comes not from failing, but from realizing that success in one part of life can look like absence in another.

When she spoke, I saw years of late nights, phone calls during dinner and events blurring the line between personal and professional. To me, those moments were a sign of dedication. To her, they were evidence she didn’t have my full attention.

Both of us were right and both of us were hurting.

It’s easy to romanticize parenthood as a perfect story filled with laughter, bedtime hugs and shared adventures. What often gets left out is the moment when your child shares something, forcing you to see yourself more clearly. The part where your best intentions are overshadowed by regret. Parenting isn’t just love and patience, it’s constant recalibration.

After our talk, we sat in silence for a while. She leaned her head on my shoulder and neither of us said much. That silence was its own kind of understanding. It wasn’t forgiveness exactly, just a quiet truce between love and the world that keeps intruding on it.

Later that night, after she went to bed, I stared at the computer screen and wondered how many moments I had traded for another hour of work. The thought wasn’t about guilt, exactly. It was about recognition. The realization I had been moving too fast to notice the small things she’d been missing.

The truth is, working parents live with a constant tug-of-war. You want to provide stability, but that pursuit can start to erase the very presence your children crave. You tell yourself they’ll understand someday, when they’re grown and see the bills, deadlines and expectations. But what if the understanding never fully replaces the memory of distance?

 My daughter’s words echoed in my head long after she went to bed. “You’re always
 working.” Simple, but true. It reminded me that childhood moves quickly, while the work never ends. The emails will always come. The stories, the meetings, the demands – they refill faster than you can finish them.

But a child’s voice asking for your attention doesn’t stay young forever.

That night, I made a quiet promise to be more aware. Not to do more, or plan more, but to notice more. To pause before answering another email. To hear my daughter when she speaks, not just listen while thinking about what comes next.

Parenting rarely offers do-overs. It does give softer chances, though. Those small, unseen moments where we realize we’ve been running too fast to feel what matters. Awareness becomes its own kind of apology. It’s not about grand gestures or perfect balance. It’s about slowing down enough to let love be noticed.

Since that conversation, I’ve caught myself paying closer attention. The sound of her laughter, the stories she tells in half-sentences, the way her eyes light up when she’s proud of something. They’re ordinary things, easy to overlook, but they’ve started to feel like reminders that connection doesn’t demand time – it demands presence. 

Every parent carries the weight of two truths: that we work to give our children the best and that in doing so, we sometimes drift away from the very people we’re working for. We chase security, comfort, opportunity – all noble things – but in the process, we risk missing the quiet, unremarkable beauty of simply being there.

There’s no easy fix. Bills won’t disappear, jobs won’t slow down and the world won’t suddenly hand us more hours in a day. But maybe it’s not about finding more time. Maybe it’s about recognizing the time that already exists, tucked between moments we’ve convinced ourselves are too busy to matter.

Parenting doesn’t have a finish line or a final grade. There’s no scoreboard to tell you how you’re doing. Some nights you’ll feel like you’re failing and maybe that’s part of the work. The ache of it means you care deeply enough to notice the gap between what you give and what they need.

The heartbreak of parenting isn’t a sign of failure – it’s proof of love. It’s the quiet reminder that our hearts are tied to something we can’t control, something that grows and pulls away and depends on us, yet dreams of independence. It’s knowing every moment of closeness is temporary and love demands showing up anyway.

That night with my daughter subtly changed something in me. It didn’t eliminate responsibilities, but it shifted how I see them. Deadlines still matter, but sometimes the story can wait, and work can be paused.

Because in the end, children won’t remember how hard we worked. They’ll remember if we looked up. They’ll remember the warmth in our voice, laughter during late dinners and walks that didn’t have a purpose beyond being together.

It’s humbling to realize love and effort don’t always look the same from both sides. To a child, love looks like time. To a parent, love often looks like sacrifice. The hardest part of parenting is trying to show both at once and forgiving yourself when you fall short.

That’s what makes it heartbreaking. You can give everything you have and still wish you had given it differently. But even in that ache, there’s beauty.

Because every parent who feels that tug, that guilt, that deep want to do better – is already doing something right.

Love doesn’t demand perfection. It simply asks us to keep showing up, keep trying and never stop listening when our children remind us what truly matters.

How Can I Support Teens in Taking “Safe” Risks?

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If you’ve ever said, “What were you thinking?!” to a teen, you’re not alone! Luckily, a basic understanding of teen brain development can help us as adults understand why teens behave the way they do, even if we’re not neuroscientists. And this understanding is crucial to guiding teens towards safe, healthy exploration and away from harmful risks like vaping nicotine. It might sound crazy, but it’s true:

Our teens need to take risks as a part of their normal growth and development!

Why Our Teens Take Risks

As our teens grow up, the impulsive, risk-taking, and emotional center of the brain (the limbic system) and the logical, planning, and reasoning part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) are in a race to the developmental finish line. The emotional system crosses first, leaving the reasoning and thinking portion of the brain to catch up.

This makes the teen brain like a car with the gas pedal to the floor and no brakes: The limbic system is well-developed, acting as a powerful accelerator encouraging teens to take risks, act on impulses, and seek new experiences. But the prefrontal cortex is still in development, making teens less likely to stop and think things through, modify their behavior, or fully consider the consequences of their actions. The good news is that the prefrontal cortex does catch up later in life, closer to the age of 25 when our brains finish developing into adult brains.

Dr. Adriana Galván, an expert on adolescent brain development who runs the Developmental Neuroscience Lab at UCLA, found in her research that teens learn faster – and with better accuracy – than adults because of teens’ very active striatum – the reward center of the brain. This reward center is most active in the teen years and it’s very sensitive to rewards, enabling teens to learn new things much more quickly than adults, like learning a new language or how to play an instrument. And this makes sense for this time in life, right? The teen years are full of amazing learning and growth, about ourselves and the world around us! 

But Dr. Galván’s lab also found that teens with a more active reward center are more likely to take risks and to like it. This can spell trouble for teens if their risk-seeking brain is introduced to vaping (or other drug use). Dr. Galván poses this question in a great short video about the teen brain:

"Rather than ask how you keep your teenager from taking risks -
because we know the brain is really oriented toward risk at this time -
it's better to ask, how do I provide opportunities for healthy risks?"

How We Can Help Our Teens Take Safe Risks

Now, with our teens’ remarkable brains driving their learning and exploration, we get to step in and guide them towards things that scratch their risk-taking itch, but prevent negative consequences to their health and safety. Safe risk-taking doesn’t put your child in danger, but it does require them to risk something — like failure or criticism. And there are great benefits to taking safe risks! Safe risk-taking can boost our teens’ confidence, leadership skills, planning skills, and can help them learn to resist their impulses – all important skills to learn and practice for adulthood!

Here’s how you can start supporting teens in identifying and taking safe risks:

  • Talk to teens about their interests, passions, and their favorite things to do. Ask questions about what makes them happiest, what’s the most exciting thing they’ve ever done or can imagine doing, or what would they do if they had a whole day to do whatever they wanted. You can really think outside the box here! Do they enjoy sports? Does art excite them? Are they interested in music? Do they enjoy helping people or animals? These conversations will help you connect with your teen and also point you both in the right direction for your next step.

  • Help teens brainstorm some opportunities or challenges around their interests. For example, if your tween loves basketball, encourage them to try out for the team. If your teen enjoys painting, encourage them to enter a local art competition or display at their school. If they’re interested in music, maybe they can try out for the band this year, or audition for first chair if they’re already in band. If they love animals, challenge them to volunteer at an animal shelter weekly. If they have an interest in movies or TV, encourage them to try out for the school play, even if they’ve never acted before. There are so many possibilities! See what your child gravitates toward, then help them make a plan to get started!

  • Set teens up for success by supporting their needs where you can. Help your tween or teen think through what they’ll need to do this activity and ask them how you can support them. What equipment, tools, or materials might they need? How will they get to and from their activity? Who might they need to contact in order to get started? Whether it’s a ride to practice, an opportunity to shadow someone, or helping them buy materials, try to support them as best you can. Remember: Showing up to cheer them on or being a shoulder to lean on is free!

It’s important to note that we’re guiding and supporting our kids here. If they start to get off track, resist the urge to jump in and take over. If we give them too much help, it can negate the learning experience and their sense of control. Let them navigate through the process and follow up on how they’re feeling. If they are hesitant to try something new, you can talk about your own safe risk-taking successes and failures. Whatever the activity, our teens’ interest and passion will help drive teens to stick with it, even when things get tough. That being said, teens can change their interests as they explore the world and learn more about themselves. It’s okay if one of these ventures doesn’t pan out like they thought it would, there are always others to try!

To learn more about how we can help keep our kids safe from nicotine & vaping (and all drug use) and prevent addiction, check out the rest of our website here at ParentUpKC.com!

Medicine Safety: Help Protect Kids Now & in the Future

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In light of the opioid epidemic and with fentanyl already in our communities, it’s more important than ever to teach our younger kids about medication safety. By being proactive now, we can reduce the number of accidental poisonings directly and lay a foundation to protect our kids well into their future.

It’s not too early to start with age-appropriate education about medicine safety. According to the Missouri Poison Center, students can begin to self-medicate around age 11. According to research, beginning preventative education with young elementary school children has been shown to reduce the likelihood of chronic substance use in high school, and communication is an essential part of keeping our children healthy and safe! 

Below are five actionable tips and practices about medicine safety we can implement now while our children are still young to help them make safe choices related to medicines when they grow up:

1. Teach your child that they should only take medicine from trusted adults. Make a list of who these people are and remind them of this often.

2. Model responsible medication safety by never sharing medications or using someone else’s medications. Continually reinforce this message with your child, explaining that they should never share medication or take someone else’s medication.

3. Keep medications in their original containers to avoid confusion with other medicines or candy. This is also important because each medication has its own dosage, warnings, and directions for use. One of the most common mistakes when it comes to medication is accidental double dosing.

4. Always store medicine in a safe place, such as a place only you know about or a high shelf that children can’t reach. Don’t keep medicine in your bathroom medicine cabinet where anyone can find it.

5. Participate in regular safe medication disposal. Keeping unused, unwanted, or expired medication out of the house entirely will drastically limit the risks to kids. This fall, the DEA’s Drug Take Back Day is on Saturday, October 25th, 2025, where people can safely dispose of their prescription pills. Find a list of our local drop boxes in the Kansas City Northland here that are open all year long.

Thank you for taking the time to have these conversations and reinforce these medication safety practices.

Give this article a share and help protect all kids in our communities!

 

– Parent Up KC Staff

More Resources:

Teen Vaping is Down, But Nicotine Use is Up – Here’s Why

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There’s a new nicotine trend taking hold among teens, and it’s not vaping. Usage of this product amongst high schoolers nearly doubled between 2023 and 2024, fueled by the aggressive marketing and the promise of being “tobacco-free.” 

Unfortunately, these small, flavored pouches are packed with potent doses of nicotine that make them highly addictive and especially harmful to teens who are intrigued by the discreet packaging, affordable price ($4-6 per pack), and accessibility. 

Many teens believe these products are safer than smoking or vaping, but the truth is nicotine pouches pose serious risks to youth health like addiction, brain development issues, and other long-term impacts.

What are Nicotine Pouches?

Nicotine pouches are compact, white packets that contain nicotine, flavorings, and other ingredients, but no tobacco. The pouch is tucked between a person’s lip or cheek where the nicotine is absorbed into the bloodstream through the mucus membranes in the mouth. 

The pouches can be left in the mouth for 15 to 60 minutes, but there are no directions that explicitly share the instructions (seriously – try and find more specific directions for use. We’ll wait.) Because nicotine pouches do not produce smoke or vapor, they’re harder for parents to detect.

The nicotine in these products are either synthetic or derived from tobacco and can come in a variety of flavors. Typically, the nicotine pouches are sold in tins of 15 to 20 pouches and can be sold in a variety of nicotine strengths.

For example, the popular brand Zyn offers both 3 mg and 6 mg of nicotine per pouch. Other brands like Velo, Rogue, or On! can range from 2-30 mg per pouch!

The nicotine ingested from one 6 mg Zyn would be the equivalent to smoking 2-3 cigarettes, and users are not aware of the full nicotine amount in each pouch, which means some are using multiple pouches a day!​

American Lung Association

Here’s Why Nicotine Pouches Are Harmful to Youth

Nicotine pouches may seem like a safer alternative to smoking or vaping for teens who aren’t familiar with the health risks, but these pouches still deliver high doses of nicotine – a highly addictive and harmful substance, especially for teens with growing brains. 

Despite lacking tobacco, these products contain synthetic or purified nicotine that can disrupt brain development, harm learning and memory, and increase vulnerability to addiction, especially if there’s a family history of addiction. 

In fact, nicotine itself can damage the heart, increase heart rate and blood pressure, and harden arteries over time. Mental health isn’t spared either – mental health issues like anxiety, irritability, and mood swings can be increased by nicotine use.

Signs Your Teen Might Be Using Nicotine Pouches

Nicotine pouch use can be subtle, but there are warning signs:

  • Look for mood changes like irritability, anxiety, or restlessness, which may signal nicotine withdrawal
  • Physical symptoms like frequent  headaches, nausea, or dizziness without a clear cause can also be a clue
  • Finding small round tins, white gum-like pouches, or noticing fruity or minty smells may indicate use
  • Gum or mouth irritation is another possible sign

How to Talk to Your Teen About Nicotine Pouches

  • Get Prepared: You’ll want to share the physical and mental health risks of using nicotine with your child to support your stance. Here’s a quick recap of all we’ve discussed so far:
      • Nicotine is not safe for youth. Using nicotine during adolescence can:
      • Greatly increase the risk of addiction to nicotine, especially if there is a family history of addiction
      • Harm brain development, which continues until about age 25!
      • Negatively impact learning, memory, and attention now and into adulthood
      • Nicotine can increase mood swings, anxiety, and irritability

  • Set Expectations: You’ll want to explain your family rules about nicotine use to your child, including consequences, with consistency and care. Make sure you’re clear on these expectations and consequences yourself before talking to your child, so you can clearly explain them during your conversations. Find help with setting expectations here. 😉

  • Lead with Curiosity, Not Confrontation: Remember, the goal is to build and grow a relationship with your teen that is honest, trusting, and open – which is an important protective factor to safeguard them from nicotine and other substance use! 
      • Start your conversations calmly; practice refraining from judgement or anger
      • It’s more important – and effective– to listen and discuss rather than to lecture
      • Take a strong stance against teen nicotine use, expressing care and concern 
      • Be curious and open-minded about kids’ experiences: ask them what they think, know, or have heard about nicotine pouches (like Zyn) or if anyone at school uses them
      • Emphasize the health and independence of a no-nicotine lifestyle, which appeals to their sense of autonomy and long-term goals
      • Give your child the opportunity to ask you questions – even if you don’t know the answer, you can look into it together!
      • Keep the dialogue open and let them know they can come to you with more questions or for help

  • Talk Often!: Have regular conversations about your nicotine-free expectations, including cigarettes, vapes, and nicotine products like pouches, lozenges, and gum.
      • These conversations are more likely to be successful when they take place more casually like while driving in the car, taking a walk, or washing dishes after dinner
      • Taking advantage of these smaller moments and potential in-roads will help the conversation seem less threatening and more natural
      • Use the environment to spur conversation, like when you see an advertisement for nicotine pouches or other products, or watching a movie with your teen that shows nicotine use

What Else Can Parents Do?

  • Let your child know you will help them if they’re using nicotine to seek relief from anxiety, stress, etc. Assure your child that their mental well-being is a priority and that they have options for relief other than taking matters into their own hands. Discuss the steps to legally and safely obtain appropriate medications from a doctor, if needed.
  • Prepare kids for peer pressure. It might sound cheesy, but these roleplays let your child know you support them and they do help give them confidence if a situation arises where they need to say “no.” You can also work with your teen to come up with a code word to text you if they feel like they need your help to get out of an unsafe situation.
  • Find support from your child’s dentist, coaches, doctor, youth leaders, and teachers.
    Ask them if they can help support your nicotine-free expectations in their interactions with your child. Make the ask even easier by bringing a handout like this to refer to and leave with them. Building a village of support is so important to prevention, and can be especially crucial if you suspect your child may be using nicotine.
  • Support teens who want to quit nicotine without stigma or shame. If a teen you know wants to quit, they can get free, confidential support from a My Life My Quit coach at MO.MyLifeMyQuit.org. They can also text ‘Start My Quit’ to 36072. This local cessation resource sends them tips to help them quit nicotine for good.

The bottom line: No matter the device or method, nicotine is harmful for kids. Stay informed. Stay connected. Keep the conversation going. You’ve got this!

Parent Up KC
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